Single Women Adopting Children

Halloween SWAC

2011-10-25T08:44:00.003-06:00

Thanks to Tiffany for hosting a wonderful SWAC get together! We all went to the pumpkin patch and then had yummy soup and homemade rolls at Tiffany's house. We're a big group and it's always really fun.

Mila's First Haircut

2011-10-15T23:00:00.000-06:00

Mila got her first haircut today. I would not have cut it but it's gotten hard to comb through lately. It was only an inch or two so she doesn't look too different. She's got great hair.....love her curls!

Mila's 2.5 Years Old!

2011-09-18T22:40:00.003-06:00

It's been a long time since I've posted. We sold our house, moved to a new place and I just moved my office at work to a cubicle on top of my move at home. It's been a crazy time.

What can I say - I love my Mila to pieces. She rocks my world, wears me out, sometimes....brings me to my knees and daily..... makes me smile and laugh. Being her mother is the best thing I have ever done. I love her beyond measure. Here are a few updates:

1. Mila is extremely active! So loves to run, jump, hike and do anything that involves being active. I LOVE that she is so active! What's concerning is that she can almost out run me.....she's only 2.5 years old.

2. I LOVE her new daycare! There is a big push for potty training which I am not sure she is ready for but, she loves her teachers (esp. Bo Bo), I love her teachers and finally I am able to sleep at night knowing she's in a good place.

3. Mila can count to 20 and is starting to recognize letters. We go on walks and she sees the name of streets on the sidewalk and says "letters."

4. Mila is very much a 2.5 year old. She says "no" and "I don't want to" on a regular basis. She pretty much cries/melts down whenever I tell her "no." She often goes to time out just for crying/melting down and not following directions. It's hard and drives me crazy sometimes. People say 3 year olds are harder than 2 year olds.....if that's true....I am in big trouble!

5. Mila continues to love to dance and asks to dance on a frequent basis. She has some cousins who are very "girly" and now she insists on wearing skirts when she dances.

6. We went to the fair this month and had a great time! It was fun to watch Mila really enjoy the rides and animals.

Mila loves rabbits like her mama

Mila & Mama on the ferris wheel

Mila's first solo ride on a carnival ride.....she seemed happy/content on her own.

Mila & Mama

Mila's final ride of the night

Mila and Mama in South Lake Tahoe

Mila- fall camping

Mila and Maya- camping....both 2.5 yrs old

My little hiker

Mama, Mila, and cousins Breonna & Haley

Mila & Sid during our camping trip. Mila LOVES camping.

Dirty face & loving camping

Mila and her Legos

Mila, dressed in her Hawaiian gear......folks at daycare thought she was Hawaiian when they did her hair during beach day at school.

Mila and Cabo.....she loves dogs! And no, we are not getting one....she can enjoy my friend's dogs:)

Baby Ella is Home, Doing Well, and Adorable!

2011-08-23T00:32:00.001-06:00

For those of you who are following new single mom Laura's journey into single adoptive parenting, you'll love/appreciate the new photos she uploaded of her sweet girl Ella - here:

http://ellaolson.blogspot.com/2011/08/finally-pictures.html?spref=fb

Single Mom Looking to Adopt

2011-07-04T22:49:00.001-06:00

Kathryn contacted me via e-mail and mentioned that she was looking to adopt. So if any of you all know of situations for adopting a baby, please contact her. Here is her website:

http://www.iheartadoption.org/users/kathryn

Newest Addition to SWAC - Congrats Laura!

2011-05-26T22:43:00.006-06:00

Laura has been attending our Single Women Adopting Children (SWAC) group for a few months.......waiting to become a mother. This past week- her beautiful baby girl was born (baby Ella). To follow Laura and Baby Ella's adoption journey.....see her blog

Laura and Solomon (Tiff's adorable son) at a SWAC get together

Mila's 26 Months

2011-05-18T11:16:00.001-06:00

A few updates on my 26 month old:

1. This past month has been sooooo much better in terms of the "terrible twos" or whatever you call it when your child drops to the ground, screaming and crying when you tell her no or that she can't do something. She still protests at times, but it is less severe. I'd like to think that this improvement in behavior was related to my consistency in handling her tantrums but.....I think it is/was mainly her moving past a rough patch. I am back to the "loving this age" again :)

2. Mila has been at her new daycare now for almost 2 months and I/we LOVE IT! Today when I dropped her off she went running into her class to say "hi" to Bo Bo...one of her teachers. All the kids say hi to her and then say "Hi.....Mila's mom." I often have a hard time getting her to leave because she is having so much fun with whatever activity she is engaged in at pickup. I cannot tell you how much relief I feel to have her in a place that is structured, safe and where the teachers provide warmth, love and a great learning experience for Mila. Picture below from daycare:3. Mila continues to enjoy being outside. Sidewalk chalk and riding her new scooter are two of her current favorites. She is enjoying digging in the dirt, planting vegetables and loves any dog that comes along. Everyone tells me I need to get a dog because Mila loves them. My response is....I have enough poop to clean up:)

4. Speaking of poop.....potty training well - I would say it's on hold at home in the sense that she's sort of hit or miss in terms of going on the potty or even wanting to sit on the potty (sometimes she outright refuses). She cannot seem to stay dry for very long so basically- I am not pushing it. They still take her every hour at school and I still provide opportunities at home but I think it will be awhile before she is officially done with potty training. It's fine.....with all the travel we have planned this summer I am fine if I am not running to a bathroom every 5 minutes/cleaning up accidents.

5. Mila went bowling for the first time this past month. She seemed to like it but also enjoyed running around the bowling alley like a wild woman.

6. I have been teaching Mila our last name as well as my first name. She's knows it now but her pronunciation is pretty interesting:)

The Associate Director of her new daycare told me that they love Mila and think she's really cute. Then she used the word "determined" to describe her.......so accurate. She is my "spirited" "determined" child who keeps me on my toes. I think these are good traits for a girl to have....she'll go far......and hopefully not wear mama out in the process:)

Interesting Story on Transracial Adoption

2011-05-12T13:44:00.000-06:00

National Public Radio recently had a show re: transracial adoption. I think it's worth listening to and it talks about the negative effects of raising a transracial child with a "color blind" viewpoint.

Although technically Mila and I are the same race (Hispanic which is considered "white" in the census), I think issues related to color and culture will always be at the forefront of my mind in raising her.

Keeping Perspective

2011-05-03T22:04:00.002-06:00

People often ask me....."what's the hardest part about being a single parent?" Or, they will say, "it must be so hard to be a single parent."

Truth be told, I don't think it's that hard.....even on my roughest days...it seems like it's just normal...it's just what I/we do. I do it all (all daily stuff, wash, morning routine, make lunches, bedtime routine, etc.). And-because I don't have a partner - I don't get bitter about the fact that "no one is helping me."

I am a night owl.....if I had my way, I would go to bed at midnight and get up at 8 am. Another hard thing about being a parent? I don't get to choose what her biorhythms are/when she gets up. I have an early bird. She prefers to get up at 6:15 am. After a short stint of getting up later due to daylight savings (which I LOVED), she is now back to her 6:00-6:15 am wake up call. This doesn't work for a mama that likes to go to bed at midnight.

In terms of perspective, I recently talked to a good friend/colleague who told me that professionals are evaluating her son for some sort of diagnosis on the autism spectrum. She shared with me many of his behaviors and, due to my in depth work with kids with autism it does seem like he is on the autism spectrum albeit maybe a mild case. I asked her if he said "mama" and she said no. He also doesn't socially reference (e.g., when he's excited about something he doesn't look at others to join in the fun). His language is delayed and she mentioned that he uses people as "objects" vs. asking for people by name to help him.

On top of this, I was at a park the other day when a woman was pushing a rather small child on a swing. She told me he was adopted and, he happened to be older than Mila but had a "stomach disorder" where he needed to be on feeding tubes 22+ hours a day. She told me he ultimately needed a stomach transplant if that was ever in the foreseeable scientific future as he could not absorb nutrients with his current stomach.

Back to Mila. She gets up between 6-6:15 am and I am just livid with how little sleep I have gotten due to my late night bedtime. I often get her up, put her in the living room with milk/a snack and a show (Elmo or Yo Gabba Gabba) and then go back to bed to lay down, get a few more minutes of sleep.

After about 15-20 minutes....Mila comes in and says "mama up, mama up" which usually irritates the heck out of me. Since hearing about my friend's son and the woman at the park...I have to say....it puts things into perspective for me. Yes, my child gets up WAY TOO EARLY for me but.....she does say "mama," comes and gets me to tell me she wants/misses me and has no issues related to feeding. When I am exhausted.....totally exhausted....I now just hug her tight when she says "mama up," and I am thankful for my sweet, loveable, good eater who wakes up too darn early :)

Perspective is a good thing!

Mila's 25 Months

2011-04-18T22:50:00.000-06:00

I don't know if I'll continue to do monthly updates but- there have been quite a few changes that have happened this month so I wanted to document them for Mila's scrapbook (aka - a blog printed:)

1. Mila moved to a new daycare this past month and....we love her new daycare! There was a little bumps in terms of transition (she got sick the second week and - did the crying at drop off during the second week) but she has settled in and I am much more relaxed about daycare.

Here is a perk to her new daycare (not that I require this in a daycare.....as I said...it's a perk), her teachers Ashley and Sherlynn (aka Bo Bo) like to do girls' hair so.....each day when I pick her up she has a new, very cute and often quite elaborate, hairstyle. Like I said, not required to make me happy but it is really, really nice when you have a child with lots of wild hair who pulls her ponies out to have a fresh hair do when you pick her up :).

Here is a picture from their field trip to Hatch's Chocolate Store.
They do lots of walks in the community.

Another hairdo!

2. Mila has started singing this past month. She has talked for awhile but this past month is the first time I have heard her sing. Her favorites are ABCs, Tiny Turtle, Itsy Bitsy Spider and Twinkle Twinkle. You can't always understand what she's saying but she sort of sings the "gist" of the song.

3. Mila is potty training....learning how to go pee pee and poo poo in the potty :). She's doing pretty well.....still a long way from full potty training and still has lots of "poop" accidents.

Look at how long her hair is when it's wet.

4. Truth be told, this past month has been pretty challenging. Mila was sick for almost two weeks and I didn't realize it was an ear infection. She had a fever one day for 24 hours but was fine the next day. The only symptom was that she was getting up 2-4 times a night and I thought it was somehow related to her transition at daycare....like maybe she was having bad dreams or something. She never tugs at her ears or has any other "typical" ear infection symptoms. At my wits end, I took her to the doctor and she was diagnosed with an ear infection/possible sinus infection. After 7 days on an antibiotic we went to her ENT PA who took out her ear tubes that were sitting in the ear canal (no longer functional). I think they may have been irritating her which may have also led to an increase in fussiness.

Illness aside - Mila has just been challenging in terms of wanting to do things for herself (e.g., dress herself), not being able to do it but then crying/tantrumming when I help her. Crying/mini-tantrums have been happening quite a bit at our house and mama's pretty tired of it. I have friends who do not believe in the "terrible 2's" and I don't know what this phase is but....it's not so fun on some days. I know her "willful" personality will be a strength in the long run but right now it's not so fun .

No matter what, I still believe in the Army motto of "it's the toughest job you'll ever love." Being her mother has been the most humbling thing I have ever done....it's really, really good for me and I hope I am doing a good job....particularly during the rough times.

SWAC March 2011 + Natalee & Mila's B-day Celebration

2011-03-22T21:33:00.005-06:00

Yvette hosted a wonderful SWAC and joint birthday celebration for Natalee & Mila. Love this group!

Natalee is 2 and so cute

Tate

Tiffany made the coolest cupcakes ever......so yummy

Laura & Solomon

Charlee

Mila, Roxy, & Tatum

Noah

Natalee breaking the pinata......Happy Birthday!

Natalee & Mila -birthday girls

Mila & Natalee....doing the birthday thing.

Mila - making a move

Lisa & Tate

Nora, Tatum, & Noah

Natalee & Yvette

Eliza & Leanne

Natalee

Tatum, Emory, & Nora

Mila turns 2!

2011-03-18T23:37:00.000-06:00

I have to say....I cannot believe my baby is 2. I approach this birthday with mixed feelings. I am so happy to have a wonderful, rapidly developing toddler but at the same time.....I want to keep her young...cherish this cute and fun stage. It's been quite an emotional week but now that it's her birthday.....I am just happy and thankful for how much she has enriched my life. Here are a few updates for my two year old:

1. Mila said "I love you mama" for the first time this past month. Made my heart melt.

2. Mila is very independent and likes to do things herself (isn't that the definition of a toddler?). She wants to dress herself (tries) and - no longer wants me to read books to her. She picks the books she wants to "read", flips through the pages and talks about them and if I try to read to her she puts up her hand and says "no mama." I am just thankful that she likes books and tries to read.

3. As always, Mila LOVES to be outside and often cries when we have to come inside. After work we usually go for a walk to the local elementary school and play on the playground. I guess I am a kid at heart because I do love playing with her (riding down the slides, climbing the play structures, etc.). Her favorite phrase during these playground times is "Mama's turn" which means she wants me to do what she just did on the playground equipment.

4. Mila is starting to talk quite a bit more now. She is using mostly 2-3 word phrases and pretty much repeats anything I say. She has a hard time pronouncing a few words (e.g., milk sounds like "more") but usually I understand what she is saying. She still signs quite a bit......particularly if her mouth is full of food and she can't talk but she wants something. She often says "thank you mama" without prompting and we are working on "please" as it's sort of something I would like her to learn vs. her demanding things (e.g., food, milk, etc.)

5. The "tantrums" or mini tantrums have started. Basically, whenever Mila does not get what she wants she cries or shows some other way of protesting. I try not to be sarcastic but sometimes when she is crying about something I did not let her have I say "I know, it's tough when you don't get what you want." Life is rough in our household.

6. Mila continues to be infatuated with "Yo Gabba Gabba." I bought her a new DVD and now she requests "New Gab Gab." She has recently gotten into the Sesame Street counting DVD which is much more tolerable for mama than Yo Gabba Gabba. She has also started to "count things" as they do on the DVD. I guess my electronic babysitter is teaching her something:).

7. One of the most interesting developments is that we were contacted my Mila's birth grandmother this past month. I am hoping this means we can have some contact and/or pictures of Mila's birthmother.

8. Mila tells me she has to go poo poo after she has just gone. I think she is starting to understand the sensation but does not seem close to being potty trained. I put her on the potty each night before bath and whenever she says "poo poo" but so no success in the toilet. She will be moving to a new daycare March 28th and I have been told they push potty training. Good for them.....if they can get her to go in the potty....great. Otherwise -I would wait until summer until I had more time to work with her.

Not so happy during most of the photo shoot

What else can I say except I love my girl to pieces. She humbles and challenges me on a daily basis but....I love it! I love how she "rocks my world" - mixes things up and reminds me about what's important in life.

Anna Grace Turns 1!!!!

2011-03-06T22:38:00.004-07:00

Donna's (single adoptive mom from Georgia) beautiful daughter Anna Grace recently turned 1! Isn't she adorable? Love those big brown eyes!

Live in Georgia? Meet Other Single Adoptive Moms

2011-03-01T12:35:00.004-07:00

Donna, adoptive mother to beautiful Anna, has created a blog for women in Georgia - particularly in the Atlanta area. Her goal is to create a support group of women in Georgia similar to the one we have in Utah. Her first post is about affording adoption....a very important topic. Great job Donna!

http://singlewomenadoptinginga.blogspot.com/

Mila's First Cover Shoot

2011-02-09T23:00:00.001-07:00

I am a reviewer for a journal that is targeted to teachers of children with behavior disorders. The editor asked if we could use Mila for the cover (he also has an adopted child, a son from Korea, now in college). I told him she was not even school age.....he said it didn't matter. So - when she was 14 months I sent him several "candid" pictures I took. He picked this one and the journal just came out this month. She's such a cutie (my bias).

Mila's 22 Months Old!

2011-01-18T22:16:00.003-07:00

My spunky toddler is 22 months old....almost the big 2. Yikes! Here are some updates for this month:

1. Mila started gymnastics this month. She calls it "nastics." She seems to like it.....mostly the running around and playing.

2. Mila's comfort toy has expanded beyond her little bear to include, a monkey (she says "mommy"), a dog and a the pig from "If you give a pig a pancake." Each morning, she tries to carry them all out of her crib along with her blanket. She gets upset if she can't carry them all. It's sort of funny to watch.

3. Mila's hunger strike seems to have past. She's been eating a lot better this past month and her favorites still include anything with beans and chicken pot pie. She also likes most berries.
4. Mila's hair is getting really long. Her teacher Isabel likes to do her hair so I Mila has a brush and hair products at daycare and comes home with a different hair do almost every day.
5. Mila continues to eat many things she shouldn't.......soap, bubbbles, dirt, lotion, etc. Silly girl.

5. Mila has become a movie/show freak! She loves her little 20 min shows with her favorite being "Yo Gabba Gabba" and "Veggie Tales." This past month she was nonstop asking for "shows," bringing me the DVDs to request another show, etc. so I had to do a little intervention. I put all the movies away and put out two for each day.....when she's watched them - she's done.....and can't bring me 5 or 6 more begging to watch.

6. Mila is very busy and has been getting into everything lately. That's why, having her watch a show allows me some free time to get ready in the AM and know she'll not be getting into something she shouldn't. I was sort of dreading our trip to San Diego...new environment, new things to get into, etc. I have decided, it's actually easier when we travel. She loves all the stimulation.....airports, beach, parade, new sights, etc. She didn't ask for a "show" once so we had a week with no DVDs (except on the plane). Guess we need to vacation more often:)

7. One of my New Year's resolutions is to try not to complain about/accept Mila's early wake-up time and short naps.....we'll see how it goes. Truth be told, she does sleep 11 1/2 to 12 1/2 hours per night - straight through and never wakes up unless she's sick. For that I am truly thankful. She has also been waking up between 6:30 and 7:00 v. 5:30 or 6 am which is manageable.....I just need to go to bed earlier (I like to stay up until midnight). I have colleagues whose kids are 3 & 4 and still don't sleep through the night so I need to be thankful for my good sleeper and change my expectation that she should sleep in:). I am sure she'll do plenty of sleeping in when she's a teenager....right about when she'll need to get up really early for school.

8. One of Mila's biggest developments this month is being able to blow bubbles by herself. She LOVES bubbles but always needs me to blow them for her. She is very excited to blow her own bubbles and -when we go to the windy beach, she likes seeing them fly in the wind.

Still loving this age and loving my pug. Even though she is challenging at times (her two favorites words now are "mine" and "no"), I still find this age to be so fun and reinforcing!

SWAC Jan 2011 + Sollie's Birthday!

2011-01-17T19:43:00.002-07:00

We had SWAC in Jan which also coincided with Solomon's b-day. Solomon turned 2 on Jan 7th...I can't believe it! I remember seeing him when he was in the hospital....only a day old. I remember taking care of him in the first 3 months when Tiff had to go back to work (I got to watch him three times). Watching him really helped me gear up for an infant. And - truth be told - he was the sweetest boy ever......so easy. Tiff threw a great party at her awesome new house.....we love visiting. We also love SWAC....such a great group!

Joy & Grayson

YuYu and Liza B.

Grayson & Marque

The whole gang....it's a big group

Sollie getting ready to blow out the candle. Sister Eliza to the left.

Emory

Yep - that's Noah under there

Mila & Ellie

Liza B. & Char Char

Tate.....eating some ranch & veggies

SWAC December 2010

2010-12-20T21:12:00.003-07:00

Yvette hosted our end of year Single Women Adopting Children get together. It was so fun and she has a great house for a big crowd (thanks Yvette)! I think this is the first time all nine mamas and to be mamas (Laura) were together with the 14 + kids (I always bring my one child plus others:)

Laura & Natalee

Mila & Grayson

Eileen & Noah

Emory & Natalee........she loves playing with the babies

Charlee

Princess Dorothy Eliza

Grayson crawled for the first time at SWAC....he just needed an audience to show off his skills!

Solomon....I am certain he could not get any cuter:)

Liza B.....playing dress up in the Halloween costume

Leanne, Mila, Grayson, & Yvette

Mila's 21 Months Old!

2010-12-19T23:12:00.003-07:00

Mila's 21 months old! I am bracing for my baby turning two as it's only 3 months away.....ugh! I continue to love this age and just want to keep her young. I do look forward to the day when I no longer have to clean poopy diapers:)

Here are a few updates:

1. Mila is beginning to walk stairs with alternating feet (one foot, one step, one foot, next step). Not sure what age they are supposed to do this but - I realized it was new this past month. She also enjoys jumping off of things and has pretty good balance. I am hoping to get her into gymnastics sometime in the next 6 months.....mainly to work off some of her energy.

2. She goes through phases of eating a ton and being on a hunger strike/not eating anything for dinner or breakfast other than milk. She seems to be gaining weight or at least maintaining it and is up to 24 lbs. I try not to worry but it's hard sometimes.

3. Mila has gotten more into pretend play this past month and her favorite thing is to pretend to to feed her Habitat for Humanity bear. She also likes to make her bear dance and put him to bed (night, night). I am looking forward to Christmas as Uncle Jay bought her a great gift that she can use for more pretend play:)

4. Mila is starting to tell me either right before or right after she has gone poo poo. I always put her on the potty right before bath but she's only gone once. She's just beginning the recognition phase but I am not pushing potty training. We'll shoot for next summer unless she's ready earlier.

5. Mila's talking more in 2-3 word phrases. She still talks is long phrases that sound like jibberish but she is intelligible some of the time (like "mommy up" when she wants me to get out of bed)

6. She loves to play in the water.....any kind. Whether it's puddles outside, the sink in the kitchen pretending to wash dishes or the bathroom sink where she loves to wash hands and play with bubbles. If water was unlimited I may let her play forever but I have to cut her off of the constant running water. Her new thing is that she also really loves lotion. Loves to have it pumped into her hands, spread it around and sometimes eat it. I bought her her own bottle of cheap lotion so she can go to town with it (minus eating part:).

We had a big day on her 21 month b-day! We had breakfast with Santa and then SWAC that night. Mila was very tired and not a big Santa fan:)

Running wild with lot of kids to play with? Yep- that's her favorite!

She's serious!

Decorating cookies

Oh no, not Santa!

Where are you going little girl?

The finale of the tantrum.....so funny!

Later that night at SWAC......she seems to have recovered although may have
PTSD related to Santa encounters.

My pretty, wild girl!

Finalization Congratulations!!!

2010-12-02T23:52:00.004-07:00

Another successful single woman adopting domestically. Congratulations to Joy for the finalization of her adoption of gorgeous baby boy Grayson.

SWAC November 2010

2010-11-24T21:17:00.001-07:00

This month SWAC was hosted by Eileen, Noah, and Sonia. A fun time was had by all, including little Sollie who had some food repeat on him and his mama Tiff who had to deal with (literally sit in) the aftermath. My girl and I are so lucky to have this group of friends who will be such a positive influence in our lives in terms of single parent adoption. Thanks gals!

Emory & Mila

Eileen & Joy

Tiffany, Sollie, Natalee, Yvette, Char Char & Mila

Emory, Tatum, Charlee, Eliza, Sonia, Luxie, and the lone boy...Noah in front

Nora, Charlee, Eliza & Sonia

Cutie Pie Grayson

The ever adorable....Natalee!

Mila (not always enjoying the lovin....even from me at times), Tiff & Solomon
(in Mila's pajamas post vomit)

Mila's 20 Months Old!

2010-11-18T22:26:00.000-07:00

Mila is 20 months old today! I can't and don't want to believe it! I just want to keep her as my baby......keep her at this age! Oh- but I must let her grow up. And -people have told me the other ages/stages are fun also.

Here are some updates from this past month:

1. Mila loves to help unload and load the dishwasher. She sits/stands on the dishwasher door and hands me things to put away. I am hoping this will continue but something tells me the novelty will wear off:). She also likes to help clean things up. Today she spilled some water on my bedroom throw rug and kept pointing to the paper towels in the kitchen. Finally I gave her some and she went back into my room to help clean up the spill. Smart girl!

2. Thanks to my neighbor giving us the wooden shape puzzle, Mila can now identify the following shapes receptively: square, heart, diamond, triangle, rectangle, oval, circle, & star. She really can only expressively label the star, heart, and oval (her favorite). I will likely buy her more wooden puzzles as she really loves them. When we finish them she sign/says (more). Not sure what's next? Numbers? Letters? She just loves to learn.

3. Mila has turned into a video/DVD junkie!. A month ago I was dying because she gets up so early and - would hang onto me for 2-3 hours before I took her to daycare at 9 am. After some suggestions via my Facebook friends, Mila now really enjoys short DVDs such as: Little People, Veggie Tales, Blues Clues, Yo Gabba Gabba and Backyardagans. She used to love Baby Signing Times.....not so much anymore. She now requests to watch movies both before and after school. I really try to limit her TV but I can see how....especially when I am tired...it would be so easy just to cave and let her (and I) veg out in front of the TV. The battle begins!

3. Mila loves to feed me! She loves to dip veggies into hummus or ranch and feed them to me. She loves to dip any food, into anything and feed me. My little caretaker!

4. Mila has started to sleep in until 6:30 am! It has happened for 4 days in row so I am hoping it's a trend. It's a Christmas miracle vs. waking up at 5:30-6:00 am.

5. Mila will be moving up to the 18-24 month classroom after Thanksgiving. Yes- I am already having a hard time with it but....I faced my fears and initiated the move after many subtle hints from her teacher. She will be moving up with her best buddy, Nora, who has been with her since she started daycare. We are hoping for the best. When I talked to the daycare provider about it she asked "what do you think?" And I said "well, you know me.....I don't like change and Mila is happy where she is/with her teachers." Such is life....she/we must move on/forward.

Below are a few pictures from our holiday photo shoot with Gail. These are not all of our photos as I am saving them for our holiday card but just know- Gail is an amazing photographer and still has openings for holiday photos: http://www.piccadillyphoto.blogspot.com/

Mila's School Pictures 2010

2010-11-06T20:01:00.002-06:00

This first picture is my favorite. Love my girl!

SWAC October 2010

2010-10-31T21:21:00.002-06:00

I am a little behind on posting but Tiff had a great SWAC at her house in October. We went to the pumpkin patch and then had a nice dinner with yummy lasagna at Tiff's house. It was so fun and I am just so thankful for this group! I love that Mila will be growing up with all these children - so fun!

Single Women Adopting Domestically

2010-10-19T21:28:00.004-06:00

I received an e-mail via the blog asking about countries that are open to singles. I know I have done a previous post on this, but thought I would bring it up again as there seem to be myths regarding single women and domestic adoption.

I am not certain of all the countries still open to singles....I cannot keep up. But- I do know that before I adopted, I had no idea that domestic adoption was a possibility. I waited for an international adoption for over 2 years before looking into it. Anyway, in terms of choosing where to adopt, it's a very personal decision. But, there are many advantages to domestic adoption including:

1. If you are open to race and gender & are with the right agency, you can get a referral pretty quickly. I have had friends adopt within 2-3 weeks after completing paperwork.

2. Depending on what state you live in, you may not have to travel to meet your child. Adoption is expensive and travel expenses add quite a bit, particularly international travel.

3. Domestic adoption typically means you are able to get an infant vs. a child who may be older or spent time in a orphanage/foster home.

Overall, I would still be open to adopting internationally and if that is where your heart is, go for it. Just know there are lots of kids here in the US who are available for single women.

Mila's 19 Months Old!

2010-10-18T21:23:00.000-06:00

Mila is now 19 months old! People told me it would go by fast....really fast. No one told me how sad it would make me to watch the time just race by. She will be 2 in no time and it does make me sad.....she's not a baby anymore. I do love this age a ton so perhaps that's why it's so hard.

Here are a few updates:

1. Mila's vocabulary is expanding daily and has said a few two word phrases with her first one being "mama go." She learned animal sounds this month and says "ney" whenever she sees a horse in the field outside the car. It's really fun.

2. Mila loves "rough and tumble" time. I call it wrestling. She loves being thrown over my should, tipped upside down, swinging around, and anything that involves me physically bouncing her around. When I'm tired of lifting her up, she still says "more, more." She is light but I do feel it in my back:)

3. Mila is a runner......she loves to run and be chased. This is a safety issue at times so she end up with those kiddy backpack leashes.

4. She continues to be a pretty good eater.....she loves eggs and turkey sausage for breakfast. When she is teething, sometimes she doesn't eat as much but overall I am surprised by how she can pack food away.

5. This month, I decided to close the PO Box I set up for Mila's birthmother, Vanessa. It's been six months and she has not sent any letters or cards as she mentioned she wanted to. It makes me sad but it's okay......the correspondence is more for me than Mila. Vanessa needs less contact than I desire but it's up to her. I am just keeping an open mind and some day she may desire contact. She has already given me the greatest gift....Mila! And- for that I'll be forever grateful to her.

Farmer Tan!

Big Girl in So. Utah

Mila loves to hike! She walked probably 1/3 mile of the Delicate Arch hike

Big brown-eyed girl

Look how long her hair is when wet!

More 18 Month Updates

2010-09-23T19:24:00.002-06:00

We had Mila's 18 month well check today. She is now 32 inches long (60th percentile) and 22 lbs (20th percentile). The doctor said she looked really healthy. Only the flu shot today.....it was nice to only have one shot vs. the multiples she usually has to get.

Here are a few photos from Mila's 18 month photo shoot (pictures by Gail http://www.piccadillyphoto.blogspot.com/)

8

Mila's 18 Months Old!

2010-09-18T19:42:00.004-06:00

My sweet girl is 18 months old today......1 1/2 years....I can't believe it! I really do want to slow down/stop time and keep her this age. I love how fun she is....her personality is really coming out. It has also helped that, knock on wood, she has not had an ear infection since we had her adenoids taken out. So- she is much happier and so is her mama.

Here are some updates:

1. Mila continues to be a good eater. She is on what I call the "see food" diet. She basically wants any food that she sees. She has started to go into the food cupboard and pick out things she wants (e.g., pretzels, granola bars, raisens, almonds, cereal, etc.). Pretzels are her favorite. She has also shown a love for eggplant (thanks to Tiff) and sausage. She starts fussing/crying when I take the sausage out to cook it in the microwave.....I cannot get it cooked fast enough.....she wants it immediately! The same goes for anything she sees that she wants that needs to be cooked (e.g. pasta, etc.). She is a growing girl and I cannot wait until her 18 month check up next week. To me, she seems to have grown a ton since her 15 month appointment.

2. Speaking of growing, she now wears mostly 18 month clothes but tonight, I put her in 24 month jammies (thanks Lynette!). She seems to be tall and is busting out of her 18 month jammies. Her feet are still small and she still fits best into 6-12 month socks and 12 month shoes.

3. This past month, particularly the past few weeks have involved a language explosion for Mila. Before, she would say "hi," "bye", "mama" and some other basic words. Now - I cannot begin to capture all that she can say. I guess I should write it down. She can pretty much mimic anything you say......but the pronunciation is not always clear. A few things I know she says are: night, night, book, bubbles (very clearly), and more milk.

4. People may wonder whether I still check on her at night. Yep! Still do. Usually 3-4 times before I go to bed. Once again, not because I am worried but because I truly do love watching my girl sleep. She's a good sleeper and doesn't wake up when I touch her/give her lovin in the middle of the night. And- just look how cute she is when she's sleeping!

5. Mila continues to be VERY active! She loves to run, climb, and just be moving constantly. This past month I had a fence/gate installed at the back of my house to keep her in the backyard. It has been so nice to be able to let her roam around the backyard without worrying about her taking off into the street. She continues to LOVE to be outside and we are out there, every day after work until dinner time. It will be rough for her (and me) when the weather gets colder/days get shorter.

Mila climbing on her toy vs. playing with it.

6. Mila continues to love music and dancing. I am hoping to get her into some sort of "Mommy and Me" music/dance class (or gymnastics) in January when the weather is bad and we are stuck inside. "Ring around the Rosey" is one of her favorites.

7. Mila continues to love to look at books. It's so cool to me as I am sure I was never exposed to books this early. What is fun is that she is starting to predict certain things in books (e.g., like - what's under the flap of the book). Even though she is very active, she seems to have an interest in sitting, every once and awhile and looking at books.

SWAC Get Together - September 2010

2010-09-14T00:06:00.001-06:00

Thanks Yvette for hosting a very fun Single Women Adopting Children (SWAC) get together! You have such a great house for entertaining.....lots of fun things and room for the kids.

Natalee & Solomon

Tea Time

Mila & Solomon

Char Char & Eliza - in full dress up

Sonia

Natalee on swings

Marjee & Norah

The newest member to SWAC -Laura- hoping to adopt early 2011!

SWAC Get Together - July 2010

2010-08-25T21:28:00.001-06:00

Marji hosted our August get together with a fun pool party. It's always so fun getting together with these gals! Hard to believe it's been over 4 years since the 1st SWAC get together at Ruth's in 2006. It was one mama, one kid and 3 mama's waiting. We've grown so much since then!

Natalee & Solomon

Mila on the keyboard

Tate

Eileen & Noah

Tiffany, Eliza, & Solomon

Sonia

Eliza

Ellie

Yvette & Charlee

Marque and Natalee

Mimi & Liza B.

The gang

Natalee & Marji

Profile of a Single Mom: Yvette

2010-08-24T20:40:00.008-06:00

Yvette is a nurse and works as a diabetes educator in a local hospital setting. Yvette was married but when that didn’t work out, she always said that if she was not a mother by 30, she would adopt. She finished her paperwork prior to turning 30 (minimum age to adopt from China) and was ready to adopt from China by her 30th birthday. Yvette adopted Charlee internationally. Charlee was referred when she was 9 months old and Yvette traveled to China to meet her for the first time when she was 11 months old. From her referral picture and information, all she knew was that Charlee was small and had possibly experienced some malnutrition. If you see Charlee’s referral picture, you will agree…..even with the buzzed haircut that often accompanies an orphanage stay in China, Charlee was and still is adorable! Charlee is also a fighter and survived even when the odds were likely not in her favor. Today (4 years old), she is a fun, strong willed, and adorable girl who is very lucky to have been adopted.

After a few years, she realized she wanted to adopt another child and started the process to adopt from Russia. As time went on, she felt that Russia was not where her child was and put her paperwork in to adopt domestically. Soon after putting in her paperwork for domestic adoption( i.e., 3 weeks), she was chosen by a local adoption agency and now is the proud mother of Natalee. Natalee is currently 17 months, is also extremely adorable and has a very easy going, laid back temperament. She smiles easily and is just very fun to be around.

Advice for Other Single Momas

Yvette's advice for other singles who want to be a mom is to go for it. Of course she says, it's easier said than done. She suggests a few things are in place before you begin the adoption process.

1.Finances- Yvette stated that the adoption process is not expensive after you take into consideration the Federal Tax Credit, possible employer adoption benefit, medical insurance adoption indemnity benefit, etc....Having children is expensive, especially childcare. Besides her mortgage, she spends more money on childcare per month than anything else. She stated that, "If you are adopting an infant, formula for the first 12-15 months adds up every month. Alot will depend on the type of formula. Don't forget clothing, diapers, wipes, food, toys, etc....Don't forget your rain day funds, and retirement."

2. Medical insurance- Yvette has two children that have both required or will require multiple surgeries. She doesn't know what she would have done without insurance to cover the bills. Plus there are the well baby/child visits plus all the other extra visits for fevers, ear pains, etc.

3. Support- Yvette has great family support that are very close by. She's had to call in favors at the last minute several times. She also has a terrific support from friends. As a single mom, you'll need an avenue to vent frustrations, concerns, wonders, guilt, and share in the joys of having children.

4. Yvette suggests: Be realistic- Being a single mom is HARD work. There is always something to be done, clothes to wash, things to organize, dishes to be washed, etc....Since being a Mom, she's changed her priorities several times. Her house is not cleaned deeply as often as it was before children, her car isn't washed as often, and the closets are not as organized as they should be. Finding a balance of household duties, work duties, and spending quality time with your children is a hard balance.

Hardest Part About Being a Single Mom:

Trying to find time to do everything that needs to get done. Yvette struggles with this all the time. She knows that there are a million things that need to get done but there is only so much time in the day. She has to prioritize what really needs to be done, what can she and the kids can do as a family, what needs to be done during nap times and after night time, etc.... Finally, Yvette states: "Remember to save time everyday to spend quality time with your children. They grow up so fast."

Charlee

Natalee and her amazing smile!

Natalee 1 year old!

Mila's 17 Months

2010-08-19T21:48:00.002-06:00

Mila is 17 months old. Here are a few updates and pictures

One of my favorite photos! Love this girl!

Mila & her bubbles

Mila still really enjoys her swing

Messy pigtails for a short time....it's all we get. P.S. I love her eyelashes!

She tries to blow bubbles but can't just yet.
She makes the shape of her mouth like she's really trying hard.

1. If you can't tell, Mila loves...... no - is infatuated with, bubbles! I have to hide the bubble containers because if she sees them she starts signing bubbles. They do bubbles at daycare too so she gets them a lot but- never seems to get tired of them.

2. Mila has started saying a few words this month including "hi," "bye" "dog" (the g is hard for her), uh ohh, and "go." She still says mama, mom, dada/dar dar (for Daria), ummm, & "no."

3. Mila's preferred mode of communication is still sign language. I have been trying to keep track of the signs she knows and uses for her scrapbook (aka this printed blog each year:). Here they are: milk, more, eat, all done, dog, cat, bird, apple, please, thank you, cold, fish, hot, hat, outside, bubbles, car, stop, wait, flower, rain, bug, book, bath, and airplane.

4. We had one heck of a time with teething a few weeks ago. Man- it was rough including many days of fussiness and being sent home early from daycare with a fever one day. She seems to be doing better and has a lot more teeth. I'll be happy when they're all in.

5. Mila has started biting this month. It all started when she got bit at daycare two times in one day. She had a few days with multiple biting incidents but-she hasn't bit any kids in a few days (5 total) and I hope this trend continues. I think it's also related to the teething as she has put her mouth on my leg but not out of anger/aggression....more as something to do with her teeth that are likely hurting.

6. Mila loves to be tickled and to laugh! She now runs to the ottoman, leans her head back and waits to be tickled. I LOVE her cute little laugh.....it's soooooo adorable!

I know I have said this before but- I LOVE being a mom! I love all the emotions it evokes ...good and bad, highs and lows. I also really enjoy falling more and more in love with my girl with each passing day. It is truly a gift and a joy to be her mom!

SWAC Get Together - July 2010

2010-08-02T22:24:00.006-06:00

It was raining "gatos y perros" - aka - cats and dogs when we attempted the Single Women Adopting Children picture but - it's fun to see everyone's expressions:). I am so thankful these gals and their kids are our lives! They are such a huge support!

Mila's 16 Months

2010-07-19T23:24:00.002-06:00

I feel like I just completed the 15 month post......time is really going by way too fast. Here are some updates/pictures:

My little mechanic. It will be interesting to see what she does when
she grows up. She loves to explore/try to figure things out.

She loves picking flowers. Not sure this is a good habit given that most folks, including mama, don't want their annuals picked.

1. Mila now has about 15-20 signs that she does on a regular basis. This past month she added cold (her favorite), hot, bug, apple, and car. What's really cute is that she is using her signs across situations. When she has had enough of the stroller or car seat....she signs "all done" which used to be exclusively for meal time. The funniest one for me is when Mila is getting into things she shouldn't and I have to get her away from it. She signs "more, more" as if she wants more of what I just told her she can't have/do. I have to give her credit for trying.

2. Mila's hair has grown a ton and is curly, curly, curly! So cute! I really can't "tame her mane" for any length of time. Since she won't wear pony tails...it often looks like I don't comb it. Luckily- she's cute anyways and it will be nice when it's longer and the curls will just flow down her back...hopefully:) In the sun her hair has a nice red tint to it.

When wet and straight..it's pretty long

Bed Head!

Wild girl.....Wild Hair!

3. Mila is a feisty little girl! She can be a little stinker at times. She still puts everything in her mouth but what's sort of (yes, not really but sort of) funny is that when I tell her not to put something in her mouth, she'll do it anyway and look at me and smile. It's hard not to laugh. When I told her not to put sand in her mouth, she took a finger full -put it in her mouth and said "yummm!" Funny girl. Either she has pica or -will grow out of eating dirt, rocks, mud, sand, and toilet paper:)

She also is a runner.....she loves to run and be chased. This is fun but not so fun in airports when she runs out of mama's sight. Yep- as much as I hate the "child leashes".....she may be one of those kids who need one

4. Mila is very social and will wave to anyone....especially if they are paying attention to her. Sometimes she waves when they are not even looking at her but she seems to be okay when they don't respond. She is fun to travel with as she always finds a few fans in the airport/on the airplane.

5. Mila is a good sleeper in the sense that she sleeps through the night for almost 12 hours. That being said, she continues to be a short napper and a poor "sleeper-in -er." Mila's preferred schedule is 6 pm to 6 am and she naps for about 1.25 hours on most days when she has one nap. I still give her two naps on the weekends and she naps for an hour each time. I am learning to live with this sleep schedule but don't love it. The hardest part is the early morning wake up calls and the fact that I go to bed later than I should. When we travel to CA.....she gets up between 5:00-5:30 am which is really rough. A mom I met in CA this past trip said her girl didn't sleep through the night until she was 2 so......things could be worse.

6. Mila is a good eater and is good at trying new things. Her food intake has decreased a bit since the surgery and it also seems like some of her food preferences have shifted. This past month she has tried and enjoyed cheeries, peanuts (yep- even though she's not supposed to have them) and raisens. She is not a big meat eater. In fact, she rarely eats the meat (chicken, beef) that I give her. She prefers to get her protein from milk, cheese, and beans. Mila now eats cold cereal in a bowl with milk and a spoon. She seems so grown up when I see her eating this.

7. Mila seems to be growing like a weed......every time I look at her she seems taller. I keep needing to move things higher and higher to keep them out of her reach. One of her favorite things to play with are a set of keys.....she loves keys. So much so that I am making a set for her to have/use vs. using my keys. Her other really favorite thing to do is put lids on things and take them off (milk, soda bottles, aspirin.....anything with a lid). She really prefers these things over real toys.

8. Mila has gotten a few new teeth this past month. How many....I am not sure. She never really lets me look unless she's laughing really hard. All I know is that it has seemed like she has been teething all month (drooling more...if that's possible....hand/fingers in her mouth) and new teeth pop up all the time. The pediatrician mentioned during our last visit that Mila has an under-bite, which you can see if you look at the "bed head" picture above. She thought it may be related to her huge tonsils/huge adenoids but what is interesting is that I too had an under-bite as a kid. Weird how our adopted kids have similar traits/characteristics as us. I had braces as a kid and Mila may need them too......only time will tell.

9. Mila LOVES to hold things and always has something in her hands. The first thing she does in the morning is look for something to pick up, hold, and play with and then eventually- put in her mouth.

What can I say? She's the pug of my life and I really do enjoy watching her personality come out....spunky girl and all!

Mila's Adenoidectomy + Ear Tube Surgery

2010-07-09T20:02:00.001-06:00

Today Mila had her adenoids taken out and her right ear tube replaced. The goal of this surgery is to hopefully decrease the number of infections that she gets from excessive fluid build up in her ears. The tonsils really need to come out too but it's not recommended under 2 years of age. Here's how it went down.

Last time we had her ear tube surgery, it was scheduled for 11:00 am.....way too long for a baby to go without food (no food past midnight). So this time, I told them I would cancel the surgery if it was scheduled that late. So, they called on Thursday saying we should arrive at 10 am and surgery was at 11 am.....I said forget it - I want to cancel. I almost lost it....how do they expect a baby to go that long without food? So- I called her doctor to cancel and they said they could squeeze us into their own surgery center and waive the out of network costs that I would incur since my insurance would only pay 65%. Why didn't they just offer this from the beginning? I I am glad I held my ground and was just thankful to be able to go through with it.

Last night- I kept her up until almost 8 pm (she usually goes to bed between 6-6:30) - hoping that she would sleep in until right before we had to leave. Nope. Mila does not sleep in. So- I had a tired and hungry girl on my hands. But- she did amazingly well. Never signed "eat" or "milk" which I was expecting as I usually feed her right after we get up.

We were at the ENT surgery by 7:15 am to fill out paperwork and her surgery was scheduled for 8:15 am. I am a strong/independent person.....heck- I chose to be a single mom but- I would advise anyone who has to take a young kid into surgery to have someone there with you. A friend of mine was with me and entertained her as I filled out the various forms and she ran all over the waiting room. A huge help!

The surgeon came and asked if I had any questions. Then the anesthesiologist came in who was very nice. She let Mila play with the gas mask prior to going back in the room so she would get used to it. Mila ended up chewing on it and seemed very fond of this new piece of plastic she was given. Then the anesthesiologist asked if I wanted to be in the room to comfort her as they put the gas mask over her. Of course! It was hard. I fought back tears the whole time but she did great and only wimpered a bit and was out in less than a two minutes. They said "she did great and you did too." I said thanks and cried all the way back to the waiting room.

She was back in the surgery room for only about 20 minutes before the surgeon came out and said everything had gone really well. Her right ear tube was basically about to fall out so he replaced it...the left one looked fine. He said her adenoids were big and it was a good decision to take them out. I think only time will tell in terms of whether we have less ear infections....I hope so.

After surgery I could hear her crying (screaming actually) in the recovery room. It's typical for young kids to kind of be hysterical when coming out of anesthesia. But as it went on, I asked the nurse if I could go back......I told her she would do better if I were with her. They said not yet and it was really hard. The minutes seemed like hours but when they finally let me back, there was a nurse trying to feed her. I sort of just took the sippy cup from her hand, picked Mila up and took over. Granted, she still screamed for quite awhile even in my arms but it felt so much better to be able to hold and try to comfort her.

I brought her home within an hour after her surgery. She was groggy but did okay on the way home. Although she had milk post surgery, she didn't drink very much. I immediately tried to feed her some soft foods and she ate a ton (yogurt, cheeries, soggy cheerios). I think she was starving.

Waiting in the small room......if you ever have to do surgery....bring lots of toys!

Mila with her cassette player

Cute smile from a girl that's hungry and tired

Last time the gown was too small....this time - too big. She didn't seem to mind wearing it though.

Mila's favorite pre-surgery toy? Well it's not really a toy but- it's bubbles. She loves them.

Post surgery......lovin my pug

Mama trying to cheer up Mila

I don't know how people do it who have kids with chronic medical conditions/need multiple surgeries. Perhaps you get used to i? It really wears on you emotionally. I do have to say these times bring out the "mama bear" in me and remind me how deeply connected I am to this sweet girl who I adopted. I could not love her anymore......she's just the love of my life!

Adoption Finalization for Anna Grace - Time to Celebrate!

2010-07-08T21:44:00.003-06:00

Congratulations to Donna and her sweet, beautiful daughter - Anna Grace in finalizing their adoption. Such a sweet and important event in the adoption journey. Congrats Donna......your sweet girl is so adorable!!!! She just gets more cute each day:)

x

Mila's 15 Months

2010-06-18T21:50:00.003-06:00

I know I sound like a broken record but I LOVE this age! I guess I love the toddler age. I love watching her personality come out and - even when she's being noncompliant/naughty, it's sort of funny to see what she tries to get away with (for now:). Here are a few updates:

- Mila likes to be sung to quite a bit and loves music in general. She knows the motions to "Wheels on the Bus" (the horn going "beep, beep, beep" is her favorite) and "Itsy, Bitsy, Spider." In the car, when a song comes on the radio that she likes, she bobs her head up and down and will also move her arms to the music.

- According to my home scale, Mila is 20.5 lbs (we'll know for sure this next week at her well visit with the pediatrician) -so - she's turned around in her car seat and seems to enjoy facing forward. It is really nice to interact with her more but I also think it's more dangerous as I am often picking up things she drops or turn to see what cute things she's doing.

-Mila is wearing 12-18 Month clothes but mostly fits into 18 months. Her feet on the other hand, are tiny and she wears 6-12 month size. I am curious to see where she falls in terms of height at this next check-up. She's always been at the 50th percentile but she seems like she's grown quite a bit. I keep having to move things up higher and higher each week on shelves, etc.

- Being outside is Mila's favorite thing. After I pick her up from daycare, we head home and play outside for 1.5 to 2 hours before dinner. She loves her swing and loves being pushed high into the air....it makes her giggle. She also likes it when I "accidentally" bump into her and say "oops."

-One of the many things Mila likes to do when we're outside is to help me garden (aka - play in the dirt). If I am weeding, I'll put the weeds by her and she'll put them in the trash.....that keeps her busy. She likes to pick my annual flowers and vegetable/fruit plants and I am trying to teach her the difference. After awhile, she'll also put dirt, grass, or plants in her mouth.

While we are outside after work, we also take a tour of the neighborhood dogs including a visit to Tara, Ivy, and Tucker. Mila LOVES dogs! She signs dog every time she sees or hears one. She will even put down her sippy cup or whatever else is in her hands to sign dog. I am thankful that all 3 of my neighbors have dogs so she can enjoy them and I don't have to have my own dog with more poop to clean up:)

Mila's bummed because Tara isn't out in the yard on this day

Ivy (the great Dane across the street) is out. She is so big Mila could ride her.

Another things Mila likes to do when we are out is ride in and push her Little Tykes car. We head down the street to the local elementary school and guess what?

Yep, the elementary school has stairs which Mila loves and works on mastering both going up (easy for her) and going down (not quite fluent yet....still needs help/sometimes falls)

-Mila now independently goes to her book shelf, takes books off, and looks at them. Yes, this is a neat thing but she also ends up with half of her books all over the floor. All in the name of early literacy:) At daycare when I drop her off, after I put her snack & sippy cup away, I peek in the window to see what she's doing. The majority of the time she has gotten a book off the shelf and is looking through it. I read to her almost every night in English and Spanish (Yes- there are chaotic nights where that does not happen).....I hope she likes to read. I was never a big reader as a kid and never remember my mom reading to me. I was kid #3 of 4 so I doubt she even had time as a single mom.

-Taking pictures of a 15 month old is tough! Especially a busy one like mine. She has discovered the lens cap to my camera and wants to put it on constantly as I am taking pictures.

Silly girl....lens cap in hand

Mila now works very hard to get out any bow I put in her hair. Pony tails are also in for a short time. She may just have wild hair for awhile.

See what happens when I try to get her to keep the bow in? Not worth it:)

I love this age because each day brings new surprises/developments. To be honest, I knew I wanted to be a mother but never knew how deep a love I would feel for such a small person. No matter what's going on in my life or hers, I know she's the best thing that's ever happened to me and each day is a gift.

When I was younger, we would always change the lyrics to songs to be funny. There is a cheesy song on the radio now by Ke$ha called "Your Love is My Drug" and I say...."My pug, my pug, my pug is my drug." She's still stuffy you know and will always be my pug even if she's not.

Baby Signing Times

2010-06-16T23:19:00.002-06:00

One day I was complaining to my friend Tiff about how my girl was hanging on me in the mornings as I was getting ready, I had a hard time taking a shower, etc. She mentioned I should buy "Baby Signing Times" as her daughter Eliza and niece Millie - really liked them. I just said -"I've been trying to teach her sign for 5 months....it's not working." And also- my girl really didn't like TV so I wasn't sure she would watch it. Well- Tiff was right. Mila loves the Baby Signing Time videos. I really didn't care if it was teaching her sign language.....if it kept her occupied for 20 minutes in the AM- I was thrilled. But, after months and months of instruction with little success - Mila now, with the help of Baby Signing Times DVDs, signs: dog (both when she sees a dog and hears a dog bark), cat, milk, more, eat, hat, thank you (looks like she's blowing kisses), please, brush teeth, wash hands, and all done. She also now does the little dance/signing routine from the beginning of the video. I really did not want her to watch much TV and - to be honest- this is the only thing she watches but it has been so worth it. And- it even works on our tough/fussy days.

What Similarities Do You Notice/Recognize Between You and Your Adopted Child?

2010-06-13T20:03:00.005-06:00

I realize Mila and I do not share any biology but- I am often in awe of the things we have in common/traits that overlap.

1. She is very, very active! So am I! I can barely sit still - most days. When I have to do writing for work, I set a timer to force myself to sit for 45 minutes. Then after 45 minutes I can get up. Otherwise- I would be jumping out of my chair every 5 minutes. My mother is not alive but I would love to ask her what I was like as an infant/toddler. My guess is that I was busy, busy, busy!

2. Mila is a light napper and sleeps best with black out shades and background noise. I too am a very light sleeper. I typically sleep with ear plugs and eye shades. To be honest- I can hear Mila's cries through the ear plugs:)

3. She LOVES to be outside and so do I! Lately, she has been crying if we head inside from being outside and will bang on the screen door to go outside because she loves it so much. I love being outside too! Lately we have had really cold/rainy summer weather which has made it tough to be outside so much.

4. Mila is very adventurous and also very coordinated. She loves doing stairs and exploring new places/situations. I usually do pretty well balance wise on uneven surfaces (i.e., when hiking) and I love to explore new places.

5. Mila seems to like to travel. She loves to observe people and it seems like the airport is her favorite place. She just watches people.....oh and runs around. I love to travel! I love the excitement of traveling, I love to meet new people and I think airports are the most interesting places to observe behavior (realize - I am a psychologist by training).

Of course- there are several ways that we are not alike but overall- it's fun to find things in common with your adopted child! Similarities aside- I just love my girl!

Mila's First Bike Ride

2010-06-12T20:52:00.002-06:00

With my REI dividend I bought the I bert baby seat that attaches to the front, rather than the rear of the bike. The guy at the bike shop said the rear seat would be better but- I have to say- I know my girl....she likes to ride high, up front, with the ability to see things (I think this is one of the main reasons she cried in the car....as soon as she was out of her infant seat/up higher - able to see- she stopped crying). In terms of the bike seat, she LOVED it! And- we were able to interact during the ride which was nice. At certain points she would lean her head back, I would tickle her, she would laugh and I just thought -this is shear joy riding with my sweet girl. Soon- she'll be on her own bike cruising around but for now....it's she and mama. Glad she likes it!

Baby Products That I Love and Recommend

2010-05-27T21:13:00.017-06:00

What are your favorite baby products? I wanted to share a few of my favorites and ask what yours are.

The Bob Jogging Stroller. I love it! I got it as a gift from my co-workers and absolutely love it! We use it as often as possible.....including during travel. When I go through security- I just tell them it's too big to break down and they do a "hand wand" check on it. It also holds kids up to around 70lbs (I think) so she we have will have many years of use out of this gift.

I absolutely LOVE the Munchkin duck tub! Mila has been in it since she was four months old and - truth be told- she's still in it at 14 months old! Mostly- it saves water and keep her secure (less likely t0 fall over). Love it!

She had fun playing with it outside of the tub too

I love to travel and looked at a lot of different options for Mila in terms of infant/toddler inflatable beds. Most are VERY big/bulky and come with their own suitcase. I love this because it folds up really small, had a self inflating air mattress and a carrying case that fits her blankets/sheets. This one is the Pea Pod Plus available from Amazon.

I started making baby food for Mila when she was around 4 months old. She didn't really like it all that much and switched to solid foods really quickly. I bought these containers from "One Step Ahead" and I still use them for snacks for daycare, food on the go, etc. They have a lid that screws on which is really nice for taking food on the go.

Once again, because I love to travel I was looking for a light weight car seat that was also safe. We have a Britax carseat which is nice, but REALLY bulky/heavy and would not be fun to travel with (it's also a pain to take in and out of the car). After doing some research, I found the Cosco Scenara which is surprisingly inexpensive, has excellent safety ratings, is VERY easy to install, and is very lightweight. I am very happy with this purchase as a travel and extra carseat for when her Uncle Jay picks her up from daycare.

I would love to hear about your favorites.....particularly any single adoptive moms who have found products/items helpful.

Mila's 14 Months Old

2010-05-18T14:31:00.000-06:00

Mila is 14 months old today! Hooray! I know I keep saying this, but, I LOVE THIS AGE!! She is so fun, spunky, verbal (to her capability) and I am just enjoying watching her grow/learn. It seems like her personality is really starting to show which is really neat. Here are the updates for this month with lots of Hawaii pictures:)

1. There is not a set of stairs that Mila has come across that she doesn't love/try to conquer. She loves going up and down stairs! Even if it is only one step, like in a parking lot, immediately after going down or up it, she wants to turn around and try again. She is able to go up stairs independently (although it makes me nervous at times) and now has mastered walking downstairs as long as there is a railing to hang onto. At school they tell me she's "very daring" on the slide/climbing structure. I just hope they remember she's only 14 months and although she tries to act like a big girl, she still needs help and falls a lot!

2. Mila's receptive language has expanded tremendously and she follows one step instructions/commands regularly. In terms of expressive language, she still just says mama, dada, baba, gaga, etc. She does say mama in reference to me sometimes and the other day pointed to a picture of me and said "mama." Otherwise, most of what she says is jibberish but she says it with a lot of intent and inflection in her voice. Of course, I answer like I know what she's talking about. Then I'll say...."is this what you want/said?" and she answers affirmatively "ah hem." It will be fun when she actually starts talking......I fear she'll be a jabber jaws like her mama;)

3. Her sign language has grown this past month. She still absolutely LOVES the Baby Signing Time videos. She regularly signs "more" and "eat" but will often sign "cat" and "dog" too. The other day we were at Uncle Jay's house and she was climbing up and down his stairs. When I took her away to go home she signed "more." Great signing but hey, it cannot always be honored:)

4. In terms of eating, Mila is a good eater and will try to eat new things when presented but, still has her favorites including olives, pasta, cherry tomatoes, chili, strawberries, and pot pie. This month she tried corn bread and really liked it. Mila is learning to eat with a fork and will often pick things up with the fork and then, pick it off the fork with her fingers. An intermediate step I guess. We are done with formula and are on whole milk solely....it's a bit constipating for her so we may need to figure out some intervention for that.

5. My girl loves music! Whenever she hears it.....she can't help moving her feet or rocking back and forth. I need to post more video of her dancing as it just makes me crack up! Grocery shopping has been a bit of a challenge but where I shop they have toys so when we head in the door, I pick up a toy that plays music and she plays with it (rocks back and forth) during the shopping trip and then I deposit it back to the shelf when I am done. No need to buy the toy, she would get tired of it that way. This way she has a "shopping toy" that helps us make it through what was getting to be pretty tough shopping trips.

6. We are still having a tough time transitioning from two naps to one. Truth be told, she still needs two naps. Some days I pick her up and she's only napped 25-30 minutes all day and yes- that means for fun evening with an overtired girl. I talked daycare into giving her a late afternoon nap if she needs it in the baby room. Given that Mila is not a great napper, I don't expect this issue to resolve itself soon. Thankfully, she continues to sleep through the night no problem.

7. Mila continues to drool a lot, require bibs and puts almost everything in her mouth. She is so much better now about it and will often hand me things that she knows she shouldn't put in her mouth. But, for some reason, rock, woodchips and dirts still taste good to her.

8. Mila now brushes her teeth. Not sure how thorough it is but she gets it in there, sucks on the brush and moves it around......I figure it's probably better than a lot of teenagers do.

9. As you can see Mila's hair is getting pretty long and has this neat curl to it. I put her hair in ponytails which she keeps in for a max of about 30 minutes so it's often not worth the effort. I got some curly hair styling product so we'll just try that for awhile. Truth be told, her hair is often pretty wild, especially when I pick her up from daycare and she's been playing hard.

What else can I say......I just love my pug to pieces! We are looking forward to the summer and more time outside! This rainy weather in Utah has been interfering with our outside play.

This is what Mila loves to do.....run! Run around the beach....she is very adventurous.

Mila and the Turtle....I think she thought it was a rock.

Mila teaching the turtle to crawl....hey Mila....he needs to crawl toward the ocean!

I always say "You're the cutest, the cutest." Of course she is my baby and I am VERY biased!

My little runner! She loves to move and keep mama busy! She got the perfect mama for her energy level.......that being said.....she still wears me out:)

She looks so different (almost bald in the back?) in pig tails. Regardless....I like this photo.

Big Girl....not wanting to sit at dinner.

Mama and Mila on the beach....notice the lipstick on her cheek:)

Profile of a Single Adoptive Mom: Donna

2010-04-30T22:12:00.009-06:00

When I started this blog, I wanted to profile a single adoptive mom at least once a month. Well, all I can say is....life got/gets in the way. And hey- being a single mom does mean you are busy:) But- I was recently contacted by Donna who said she had followed my blog and it gave her hope. So, I wanted to profile Donna and share with you her gorgeous baby girl Anna (isn't she just the cutest?). Profile and pictures follow.
Background:
Donna is the mother to a beautiful baby girl, adopted domestically named Anna Grace who is currently almost 3 months old. She is a first grade teacher and decided to adopt on her own because since in her late 20's she wanted to adopt. She put that dream on hold to pursue another dream, getting married. After a brief marriage and a pregnancy loss, Donna returned to her dream of adoption. Donna had always thought she would adopt internationally but after doing some research she decided to pursue a domestic adoption. She is glad she did as it only took 3 months from the time she was home study ready to the time she was matched with Anna's birthmother and Anna was born 3 weeks after the match!

Although Anna's placement was through an adoption agency, she worked with a consultant that was very single friendly and had success placing children with single moms. She felt the advantage of working with a consultant was that they were always there to talk to and bounce questions and concerns off of. They were able to give her advice and suggestions based on their own adoption experiences as all the case workers had previously adopted. The consultant also helped her develop tolerences in many areas and educated her on health issues and transracial adoptions. This all came in handy. The consultant was also networked with many agencies and lawyer sources throughout the US and has developed a favorable reputation over the past 20 years. Most of the families (both single and married) usually successfully adopt a child within 3-12 months.

Advice for other single moms who want to adopt
Her advice for other single moms would be to do your research and figure out the best plan for you. Every area of the country is different when it comes to resources. For instance if she had lived in Utah, she likely would have just worked with the two lage agencies there. But because of the adoption laws where she lives, it was easiest to work with a consultant. She would also suggest getting your finances in order, setting a realistic adoption budget as she found the cost could vary greatly based on many factors.

Hardest Part of Being a Single Mom

The hardest part of being a single mom for her is childcare! It has been a challenge for her to find good childcare. Being a teacher, she had hoped to get a spring placement, but because Anna was born this winter, the first situation (a nanny) did not work out but she is confident the daycare center Anna is about to start will be a good fit. She have also found it a little difficult to balance everything, but hope that once she has reliable, quality childcare that will make things easier. She also hopes to find a single moms group in her area soon - she thinks that support will help.

_______________

Thanks to Donna for sharing your story and inspiring other single moms. Her wait was VERY short and she has a beautiful baby girl. Please let me know if you are open/willing to share your story.

Baby Anna Grace

Cutie Pie!

Sweet picture of mom and baby girl!

Happy mom!

Look at her cute smile!

Yep, those gorgeous brown eyes are going to break some hearts one day!

Impromptu Single Women Adopting Children (SWAC) Get Together - April 2010

2010-04-29T23:41:00.004-06:00

Yvette was so kind to host a last minute SWAC at her condo. The last one she will have until she moves into her house. It was a fun one that included activity which was nice....a walk to the park and to see Yvette's new house. So fun to hang out with the moms and their babies/toddlers/kids!

Sonia & Noah on their bikes

Elene & Natalee
Walking to the park

Charlee (aka Char Char) the glee right before she fell off!

Mila & Natalee

Cutie Pie- Tate -r -Bug!

Yvette & Natalee

Leanne & Tate on the crazy, spin thing! Ugh- made my tummy sick!

Beautiful Baby Boy to Single Mom via Domestic Adoption

2010-04-21T20:52:00.006-06:00

Beautiful baby and beautiful mama! Dreams do come true! Single women who are looking to adopt, please know domestic adoption is a possibility.

Mila's 13 Months Old!

2010-04-19T21:38:00.002-06:00

Mila turned 13 months old on Sunday! Hard to believe as it seems like we just celebrated her 1 year birthday. Here are the updates for this month:

1. Mila is walking up a storm and is able to go from sitting to walking with no hands! I thought this was a big feat for a little girl! She keeps me on my toes and is constantly into everything. I love this age so much and I am also getting my exercise chasing after her/keeping her out of things/trying to keep her safe.

2. Mila loves to dance! She hears music and will just spontaneously start moving back and forth if she is sitting, or even start moving her feet up and down with her legs if she is standing. I think I need to get the girl into some dance classes.

3. We are done with bottles! Hooray! (I guess). She easily transitioned to sippy cups but as Tiffany says, I am not too sure how much different they are than bottles. She no longer takes a sippy in the AM, will have them at meals, before naps and before bed. Over time we'll need to decrease this but for now....I do think they are easier to manage then bottles.

4. Mila LOVES to play outside! As she is transitioning to the toddler room, they have been taking her outside every day and she cries when she has to come in. I pick her up around 4 pm and we play outside until dinner (weather permitting). She hates coming back inside. She loves the swing that she got for her birthday and walks over to it every day and waits to be put in.

5. Mila's new favorite food is olives......she loves them! She wants to eat them whole but I cut them up for her as otherwise she chokes on them. She loves when I put the whole ones on her fingers for her to eat.

Often, when you wish and hope for something for so long.......when you put all your dreams, thoughts and wishes into something you are disappointed when you get it (i.e., is this what I really wanted? Now I got this and I am still not happy!). I hoped and dreamed for Mila for so, so long and although we still have tough days.....there is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful to be her mama, that I have her, and that we are a family. Sometimes dreams really do come true and sometimes.....sometimes.....things are even better than you dreamed, imagined, and hoped for! I love you Mila!

Mila is 1 Year Old!

2010-03-18T20:45:00.003-06:00

My baby is 1 today! Hard to believe we have been together a year! I am LOVIN this age/stage! Gone are the baby, baby times along with waking up in the middle of the night which returned recently due to her chronic ear infections. Since her ear tube surgery, she has slept through the night again and, is not as clingy/fussy. I saw a change immediately.....she is happier (so is her mama) and is eating a lot more. Also- thanks to daylight savings, she now stays up later and sleeps in until 7:15-7:30....I am so grateful for this as I am not a functional 6 am mama.

At her 12 month doctor appointment Mila weighed 18 lbs, 8 oz (10th percentile) and was 29 1/4 inches (50th percentiles). Thankfully, we were able to put off the vaccinations a few weeks to give Mila (and mama) a break with her just having surgery last week. Pictures and updates follow (professional pictures by Gail: http://www.piccadillyphoto.blogspot.com/ )

Big brown eyed girl!

Not sure about the tutu

Seriously holding up the wall!
I love her smile/big grin!
Mila liked the balloons at first but then lost interest in them. Pictures were 1 day post surgery so- overall I thought she did really well!
Sin tutu con drool

I love the collages Gail makes. We gave one to each of her teachers at daycare.

I love her expression.....like - who me?

Sweet girl!

Here are the updates for this month:

1. Mila has tried a few new foods this month including strawberries and cherry tomatoes. She loves cherry tomatoes and makes a big mess but- it's worth it....they are good for her and I look forward to growing many in our garden this summer.

2. Mila is climbing on and under everything! She now climbs on her toy I gave her at Christmas, tries to get into the dishwasher and - the other day at the doctor's office, was crawling under the couches! She also really likes climbing up stairs.....even the steep ones in our basement. I bought her a slide that she can climb on/under. I hope it wears her out!

3. Mila has taken a few steps by herself with the most being 9 steps but is not yet walking independently. It's likely a matter of weeks....probably within the next month that she'll be walking. Then- I am really in trouble!

4. I have been teaching Mila sign language for the past 6 months but she really shows no interest/has never independently signed. When I prompt her to sign "all done" she says "duh" which I think is an approximation of done. I think she'll talk vs. use sign. Whatever works. I am curious to see how her language develops now that she can hear better.
5. Mila now independently blows kisses and lays on people and/or the ground, pillow or bed and says "awww." She also will initiate peek a boo by covering only a very small part of her eyes then wait for you to say "where's Mila?"

On her birthday, we brought cupcakes and balloons to school. Most of the babies couldn't eat cupcakes so they took them down to the toddler room. I left my camera at school for them to take pictures and they got a few cute ones. I love her new daycare and they love her.....it's a huge relief!

Mila, Bently, and Devin
Hanging with the big kids....I love the expression of the kid behind Mila!
Mila's teacher Tiffany (her other teacher Shellece was sick)

Mila's 11 Months Old

2010-02-18T20:38:00.001-07:00

Mila turned 11 months old today. Hooray! I cannot believe she is almost 1....I still think of her as my little baby. Here are a few updates:

1. Mila is a bit of an "habladora" aka in English- "chatterbox." She is constantly jabbering although little of what she says in intelligible. I am constantly repeating what she says and trying to encourage language development. She does say "mama" but not necessarily in response to me:)

2. She weighed in at about 18 lbs, 6 oz during her last doctor's visit. Her eating has been up and down with her ear infections. Sometimes she eats a lot, other times not too much. Her new foods this month are chili, string cheese, broccoli, and cauliflower. Her favorite foods continue to be peas, black beans, pasta, yogurt, and of course cheerios.

3. She is crawling around like mad woman using her crab walk/crawl. She has taken a few steps but really is probably 1-2 months from walking. Her mobility has become a challenge as she's getting into everthing. The other day- when it was quiet- I knew something was up. She was pitching the Visine bottle into the toilet and trying to fish it out. Oh- fun time ahead!

4. She is definitely a mama's girl! Getting ready in the AM is a huge challenge as she wants to be with me/have me carry her. She also tugs on my legs during cooking. I am wondering how my friends who are single moms cook with 2-4 kids? One night- I put Mila in the hip hammock and we cooked together. She just wants to be with her mama (yes- not necessarily the safest thing to do).

5. Mila continues to sleep from 7 pm until 6:00 am. Mama is still working very, very hard at going to bed earlier but- with the Olympics it's been more difficult.

6. One of our new favorite "routines" is wrestling on mama's bed. She now crawls into my room and waits for mama to "throw" her on the bed and begin to wrestle. She loves looking out the window (same height as my bed) and loves to just rough house on my bed together. She often sits and falls back like those folks in the corporate retreats (aka "I am going to fall back- and I trust someone to catch me."). She must trust her mama to catch her.

7. Still no more crying in the car- hooray! I think part of it is that her dog mirror fell down in the back seat and now- she looks at the cars behind us (vs. a reflection of herself...not so fun for her)......I think she prefers it. Our biggest challenge this month (besides mama getting ready in the AM) has been diaper changing. She has always been wiggly during this time but now....she's getting really hard to change. One day I came home after Shanna had watched her and I went to put her jammies on. I noticed that she had a 1/2 thong going with her diaper. I asked Shanna what happened and she said "she was really out of control/wiggly - it was the best I could do." I understand - I am her mama and have a hard time. She has put her foot in her poop mutlple times this past month due to her constant movement. We definitely need an intervention....putting things in her hands to distract her is no longer working. Either way- she has to wear a diaper so - it's a battle mama will ultimately win.

My beautiful 11 month old girl!

Look at her eyelashes.....I would love to have those!

Of all the toys I have bought her- she loves the stacking blocks that were a bonus free gift with her car/stander - the best - who knew. I am ready to buy her round cups....these simple toys go a long way.

My cute girl and her blocks!

Want to play blocks with me?

Mila continues to be the drool queen of the universe! I think she could win a prize. She has 7 teeth and I think more are coming in all the time- I can't keep track.

Splashy girl with big hair:)Lovin the tub!

Mila's hair is getting so long and curly. I can almost put it into a pony tail in the back......just waiting for the front to grow in too.

My curly haired girl....love it!

Question for Single Adoptive Moms - How to Decide Whether to Adopt More Children?

2010-02-14T09:44:00.009-07:00

First, I have been out of the posting loop due to daycare transitions and Mila's chronic ear infections. I am hoping to get back to posting on a regular basis but- as a single mom....I try to remain flexible with what life throws my way.

I have received some great questions/e-mails from single adoptive moms that have read the blog. Thanks for these and feel free to keep e-mailing/sending topics. I want this website to be a resource for you all. The one question that keeps coming up is - how do you decide to have more children? So- after receiving a recent e-mail from a single adoptive mom- I wanted post her questions for you all the answer:

1. When and how you decided to adopt number 2 or 3 or 4+?

2. What has been your experience with multiple adoptions?

3. What was the age separation of siblings?

4. How many would jump at the chance to adopt another baby from the same birthmother?

Please post comments or you can e-mail me your responses too. My e-mail address is under "my profile."

People always ask me whether I will adopt another little one and all I can say is.....I am in the throws of taking care of child #1 - I am not ready to make those decisions at this point. As I said in a previous post, if I had a husband, more money/support I would love to have big family as I love being a mom.

Mila's 10 Months Old!

2010-01-18T21:05:00.002-07:00

Mila turned 10 months old today! Whew.......it's going by too fast.

Here are some updates:

Mila is growing like a weed and seems to be getting taller by the minute. She no longer fits into most of her nine month clothes height wise and some of her 12 month pants/jammies already seem short. Maybe she'll be tall? Last week at the doctor she was 18 lbs, 1 oz up from 16 lbs, 9 oz the month before.
Mila continues to be a pretty good eater. She refuses to eat baby food and prefers the grown up version so she can feed herself.......it has forced me to cook more which is a good thing:). This month she tried chili and yogurt and continues to be a carb queen (pasta & rice). Her favorites are still peas, bananas, and Cheerios.

Mila getting into her Cheerios! These are mama's

Cheerios as she eats the plain ones

Mila has become more mobile - crawling faster and getting into everything. She is crusing around furniture and can also stand independently for about 10 seconds. She still does her crab walk crawl but it seems to work for her.

Mila loves playing in the tupperware drawer

One of the biggest changes has been how much hair she has gotten over the past month. Everytime I turn around it seems like her hair gets thicker and adds another curl. I love it!

Just when I didn't think Mila could produce anymore drool, she has been an absolute fountain this past month. I finally figured out why as she has three teeth coming in on the top. She has 3 in already and this will be a total of 6 teeth. She goes through about 5-6 bibs per day and I give up trying to match her bibs to her outfits. She'll have a really cute outfit on and then has to wear a funky bib.....oh well- she hopefully won't need/wear them in kindergarten:)
The greatest development this month is no more screaming in the car! HOORAY!!! I always knew this was hard/drove me crazy but now that she doesn't do it (or fusses only when really tired) it is such a huge relief and makes driving around so much more pleasant. We may be ready for a road trip;)
Mila also no longer cries every time I put her down to sleep (Yes- it's been a good month for mama!). The only exception is if she's really tired and is fighting a nap which is what led to dropping her late afternoon nap. Since starting daycare, although she is often really tired the few times I tried to put her down in the late afternoon it was a fight. So now instead, she has a earlier bedtime - around 7 pm. She sleeps from 7 pm until 6 am......yes- way too early for me. I have adjusted by going to bed earlier myself- between 9:30 and 10:00 and reminding myself- I used to be a morning person.
Daycare is going as well as can be expected. She is happy and seems to like her caregivers. In addition, I truly feel like I am able to be a better mom with a more concentrated break. It doesn't mean I don't worry about her constantly and occasionally lose sleep over the whole thing but overall- we are both surviving the transition.

To sum up this last month - all I can say is - she is so much fun! I love this age! I love being her mom and it just keeps getting better and better. If I had more money, support, and oh yeah - a husband- I would have a gaggle of kids. Being a mom is truly the most reinforcing thing I have ever done.

Another Option for Single Women Adopting

2010-01-10T12:59:00.009-07:00

Although I mentioned adopting from foster care in a previous post, I wanted to make single women and families aware of an agency that links waiting children with families who are ready and willing to adopt. When I looked into foster care adoption, I was told that the youngest child that could be adopted outright (without being a foster child first) was around 7 years old. I wanted a younger child and - couldn't handle doing foster care first - for fear of losing a child I became attached to. This agency does have younger children that are available for adoption- both children with and without disabilities.

I do not know much about this agency but know they have worked hard to find permanent homes for kids in foster care and just celebrated placing 6001 kids!

The Adoption Exchange

If you have had any experience with this agency and have comments - please post.

We Survived Mila's First Week at Daycare

2010-01-07T19:30:00.005-07:00

Mila and I survived our first week of daycare! Hooray! It was probably the most tear filled week I have had since I got her. She does seem to like her teachers, they for sure like her, and she has never cried when I left her. If I put her with toys and next to kids, give her a kiss & hug goodbye, she immediately starts interacting with the other kids/is distracted. She is very social, for sure and loves to watch other kids and explore. I also think it helped that we had visited a few times and she was somewhat familiar with the place.

I didn't get much work done this week - Monday- her first day for sure was a wash. Also, I was being kind to myself and easing back in. Truth be told, I have felt like I can breathe, sit down, not run around like a crazy woman cleaning, cooking, feeding, doing laundry, etc. She and I have been together most of the time for 9.5 months and even when the nanny was here, I was running around like a mad woman trying to get all the errands done that require multiple stops.

Overall, it went as well as I could have hoped for. Do I love it? Nope. I do think it's a good daycare but I do think no one will take care of her like I do. I also know- as a single parent - I couldn't do the stay at home thing forever. I for sure need more than the 45 minute nap breaks! Now- when she is home - it's 100% she and I.......lots of play time, interaction, etc. In some ways, I feel I can be a better parent because I am not so worn out from doing all the work

In the AM before Mila's First Daycare Day

My girl's getting so big

I have heard quite a few tips/advice in terms of dealing with daycare, guilt around putting children in daycare, etc. What have other folks done to make this transition easier/more bearable? I still feel like we are not over the hump in terms of the emotional roller coaster this has sent me on.

Domestic Adoption Success for a Single Mom

2010-01-04T19:25:00.010-07:00

Picture of a recently domestically adopted baby girl by a single mom! Congrats! Thanks for reminding us that domestic adoption is possible for single gals.

Also- thanks to all who posted comments on the post "Where Can Singles Adopt?" For folks looking for options- please see the comments of this post. Also, please know that many domestic agencies work with families around the country - you do not need to live in the state the agency is located.

Thanks everyone! I am encouraged and inspired by the e-mails and comments from you all! There is a large community of single gals who have adopted and it's nice to hear your stories, hear about your support groups and get your input. Thank you!

Where Can Single Women Still Adopt?

2010-01-02T19:37:00.007-07:00

There have been many changes in the international scene in terms of adoption so I am writing this post both to share information I know (which may or may not be accurate) and to solicit comments/feedback from other singles who can share places, agencies, positive success stories. In terms of the international scene - here is the information I have:

1) China - closed to singles

2) Guatemala - program is closed

3) Vietnam - program is closed/suspended at this time

4) Haiti- open to singles

5) Ethiopia- open to singles

6) Russia- open to singles

7) Kazakhstan - open to singles but I hear there are now delays and/or the program is closed?

Others? Please share the information you have to inform other singles women who are looking into adoption.

I am hearing more and more that single women have been discouraged by agencies when trying to adopt domestically. This is frustrating to me as I know there must be more agencies out there who are open to singles adopting domestically.

following agencies have placed with singles in my area:

Heart to Heart Adoptions, Inc - http://hearttoheartadopt.com/index.html

A Guardian Angel - http://www.aguardianangel.net

Please comment or e-mail me (see e-mail in profile) if you know of other domestic agencies that are "single friendly" and/or have placed many children with singles.

Single Women Adopting Group get together December 2009

2009-12-29T23:34:00.001-07:00

SWAC December 2009 was held at Marji's house. We had a great time and exchanged books as a sort of "white elephant" activity. Not sure all folks ended up with books (sorry Tiff/Solomon) but, overall, it was a great idea.

Char Char and Tate
Eliza giving Mila some "lovin":)

The gang during the book swap

We sang happy birthday to sweet Ellie who was turning 13 the next day!

The drum series by the babies!

Mila's 9 Months Old!

2009-12-18T22:04:00.004-07:00

My sweet girl is 9 months old! I cannot believe it....already through 3/4 of a year! At times it makes me sad to see her grow up so fast.....she's not a baby anymore.

She weighs 16 lbs, 9 oz (15th percentile) and is 27 1/4 inches tall (40th percentile). Although she is small, her doctor is happy with her growth and says she's right on track. Here are some updates:

*Mila is crawling up a storm but prefers to stand and play or pulll to standing wherever she is. She still has the crab walk crawl....not sure she'll ever do a typical crawl.

*She is cutting her third tooth......a top one but not in the very front....it's to the side - interesting. She is drooling even more (is that possible?) and is a bit more fussy. When we are alone, she basically does not like me to leave the room and often cries when I do. She has truly become a mama's girl......and yes-we have to transition to daycare next month ;)

* She babbles a lot including dada, mama, baba, and gaga. Dada is still her most frequent babble but so far- no words in reference to people.

*She is sleeping well throught the night but is still what I consider a short napper (45 min to an hour). If she sleeps over an hour I start to worry that something is wrong and do lots of checking.
I love you Miss Mila! So happy you are in my life!

Professional photos from Gail at piccadillyphoto@blogspot.com

Here Comes Santa Claus!

2009-12-02T17:23:00.003-07:00

We're getting ready for Mila's 1st Christmas

Mila in her Christmas jammies that likely won't fit on Christmas

(we have another pair:)

I love the reindeer on the bottom!

And the reindeer on the feet

Mila's stocking
Cute Mila and sinister Santa:)

I Don't Know How You Do it!

2009-11-30T20:23:00.003-07:00

"I don't know how you do it" or "There is no way I could do what you're doing.....it's amazing." These quotes relate to being a single parent. I have had many, many folks comment about these topics. According to some recent stats (2006), there were 12.9 million single parent families in the US.

I have to say- I think there are many differences between folks/women who become single parents by choice and those who end up that way via divorce, separation, death. etc. To begin with, in order to adopt on your own......you have to have your ducks in a row. You have to have a stable home, make enough financially to care for you and the kid(s) you adopt and be able to show you have a support system. Second, if you have never parented with another person -it's hard to know what you are missing. Sure- I know that many women have their husbands who are willing to pitch in, etc. But- you really don't know how hard it is because- it's all you know.....you were single from the start. Third, and probably most importantly- in cases of divorce/separation -there is not (for the most part) a grieving period re: the loss of a spouse/partner's help. There is not feeling of "loss of spousal support/help." I think it makes a big difference. Those of us who are single and chose to become mothers (either via adopton or by other means)....we - for the most part- knew what we were getting into and are not sad because someone left us, is not paying child support, or is not disciplining the child in the way we wish they would.

Don't get me wrong - I am still a strong proponent of two parent families and- overall- believe that is the best avenue to go in terms of raising children. The issue is- 50% of families end of up divorcing so- whether you start single or not- 50% will end up in that position - often not in as good of standing financially or emotionally.

Please know that most of us who chose to adopt as single women.....made a conscious decision to do it on our own and don't need pitty. What we need is support and praise for the good job we are doing and - if you have time....perhaps some babysitting help!

Naptime?

2009-11-23T20:47:00.001-07:00

Mila's naps have been very short lately and - she's not going down so easy. See this cute look on her face? That's how she looks at me after I put her down.....like hey mama - I am ready to play.

It was great talking to Tiffany's sister Tabby today who said Jake did the same thing when he was a baby. She would feed, rock him and then as soon as she put him in the crib.....he would pop up to play. Yep- that's my Mila. She will be going to part-time (3 days a week) daycare in January. It will be interesting if her naps get worse/better. I am hoping for better as it can't get much shorter than 30-40 minutes.

Mila's 8 Months Old!

2009-11-18T21:33:00.002-07:00

Mila is 8 months old today! Oh my......I can't believe it has been 8 months since she was born! I was scrolling through some video I took of her and found the first video I took of her in the hospital. I can't believe how much she's changed! I love my girl to pieces! Being her mom is truly the most rewarding thing I have ever done (even during the tough times:)!

Here are some updates:

1. Mila is babbling away and says "baba", "dada", "gaga" and has said "mama" a few times. She typically says "mama" with her tongue out but on the freeway in San Diego- I looked back at her and she said it with her tongue in......brought tears to my eyes.

2. She is not crawling yet but gets around by scooting around on the floor. She has started getting into things on shelves (books, pictures, etc.) and my goal is to baby proof the house this next week. I've been putting it off since she's not crawling but she seems to be figuring out a way to get around and get into things:)

3. She is sleeping through the night from between 7-8 pm until 6:30-7:30 pm . She's not the greatest napper, however. She still takes 3 naps a day - around 9 am, another around 12:00 pm and another around 4 pm. Some of her naps are only 30 minutes! Ugh! I tried taking the late afternoon nap away but Mila falls apart really early when I do this. The naps got much shorter after the H1N1 vaccine......I can't say they caused it but hey- I have no other explanation:).

She still at times has a hard time going down for naps. I will feed her, rock her, and she'll be mostly asleep - then when I put her down.....she "pops" right up and is "ready to play." It's funny, I am not sure why she has such a difficult time settling down but I think she feels that she is missing out on things, wants to play, etc.

4. She no longer prefers baby food but rather - likes the non-pureed version. Her favorites are peas, green beans, black beans, bananas and she absolutely loves rice and noodles. She's not so crazy about cereal but does like it better with bananas mixed in.

5. The crying in the car has improved quite a bit. We had some regression after we got back from San Diego in October. I decided to start taking data on it as it was driving me crazy. Then- I noticed that somehow (miraculously), it decreased! She still does not love riding in the car and I have had to use Baby Mum Mums as a distractor but it's definitely getting better.

6. She is starting to pull herself up onto things. She stands really well while holding onto things and pulling herself up is new these past couple days. I often wonder whether she'll skip crawling and head to a different way to motor around.

Visiting My Friend Shawna - Another Single Woman by Choice

2009-11-16T20:36:00.005-07:00

Mila and I went to visit my friend Shawna in San Diego. Shawna and I met in our master's program at UOP in CA and haven't seen each other in 12 years! She is a single mom by choice to twin boys- Brady and Jeremy who are 15 months old. She also has a daughter -Brenna- who died 1 week after being born in 2007.

This visit allowed us to catch up and me the opportunity to hear the whole story re: Brenna's life, death, and memory. It was a fun but also emotional trip. My heart aches for Shawna and her loss. Now that I am a mother I can somewhat better comprehend the level of grieving that must be involved in the loss of a child. She shared with me her baby album, keepsakes, and gravesite. As tears welled up in my eyes I just said "I don't know how you or anyone gets through this." and she said "you have to.....you have to move on, keep going."

During the visit, I also got to meet her sister (half sister) Brooke. I met her other half sister when she was 2 years old but never had never met Brooke before. What can I say- Brooke is such a fun, intelligent and EXTREMELY energetic little girl (She wore me out:). I had so much fun hanging out with her.....singing songs, cart surging in the Target parking lot, playing "guess who" and "concentration" in the car. She made me "pinky swear" I would come back again. I will......it was a great trip!

We went to the beach, an acquarium next to Lego Land and had fun just hanging out!

Brooke pushing Jeremy & Brady

Brooke & Shawna

Mila & Mama

Brooke

Mila, Jeremy & Brady in the sand

Leanne & Shawna

Leanne and her new BFF - Brooke
Jeremy (front) & Brady (back) at the acquarium
Brooke in Mila's stroller - it holds up to 65 pounds - so we had to test it out Leanne & Mila (in the acquarium!)
Brady playing peekabo with me

Brady, Mila & Jeremy......playing!

Brenna's gravesite which is on a hill that has a view of the ocean and Coronado- so beautiful!

Single Women Adopting Children (SWAC) - Nov 2009

2009-11-07T22:19:00.002-07:00

Another fun get together with the single gals!

Sollie

Marji, Natalee & Tate
Natalee, Tate, & Solomon
YuYu
Eliza
Marque, Mila & Mimi (GiGi and Christie watching)
Marque and Mila

Bugs

2009-11-07T21:53:00.004-07:00

Yes, Halloween is over but Tiff and I didn't get a chance to get our two bugs together before tonight. Solomon and Mila in their bug outfits! I met Tiff via our Single Women Adopting Children group and she has two sweet kids: Eliza adopted from China & Solomon adopted domestically. Mila & Sollie are just 2 months apart.

Available Adoption Situations

2009-11-04T15:45:00.006-07:00

There seems to be a disconnect between single women & couples who want to adopt and adoption agencies looking for families. Now that I have adopted, folks ask me all the time...."I thought it was really hard to do domestic adoption? That it takes a long time?" Well - the answer is - it depends.

The first question to ask- is do you have the right agency?

The second is - are you open to all races and genders? If you want a Caucasian boy or girl - there will likely be a long wait. There are, however, lots of children of different ethnicities, including bi-racial children that need a home now. Here was a recent post from my adoption agency on their website:

"Please note that we are always in need of families open to AA (African American) situations.

Many of these situations come up quickly so we encourage you to have a complete file.

Remember there is no application fee."

How can we bring these children together with potential adoptive families?

How to Know Whether an Adoption Agency is Single Friendly

2009-11-01T15:38:00.005-07:00

Trust me- I am no expert but I do believe there are signs/things to look for in terms of selecting a domestic adoption agency.

1. Ask what their track record is. How many kids have they placed with single moms in the past ? What I really like about my adoption agency is that they post all the placements they have made in the last 2 years. And- if you look at this list- there are lots of singles included:

Heart to Heart Placements

It's not enough to boast the number of kids placed with singles - the question is- are single women able to adopt the children they desire and are a good fit for their family? If all the single women who have adopted through the agency end up with kids who were "not wanted" by other families for some reason (e.g., prenatal exposure to drugs, major mental illness in one or both birth parents), I would not consider that agency "single friendly."

If the agency has placed children with other single parents, ask them for references. What do other single mom's (and potentially single dad's) have to say about the agency? Did they feel supported by the agency? Agencies that are single friendly should have at least a few single references that they are willing to share.

2. Each adoptive husband & wife or single must create a profile detailing their family history, desire to adopt, etc. These profiles are then shown to potential birthmothers. My question to agencies is- how many profiles are shown to prospective birthmothers (and perhaps birth fathers)? If your single adoption profile is 1 in 40 with all the other profiles of being married couples - it's highly unlikely that you'll get picked. It's an overwhelming decision to make but- if your profile is differerent than the 39 others shown in terms of single status - this will likely stand out to the birth mother.

3. How many "agency picks" go to singles (if ever). Most adoptions these days are open or semi-open in that the birthmother chooses the adoptive family and chooses the amount of contact desired with the birth family. I have spoken to several agencies and they say that agency picks are very rare - usually only a handful per year. So- when given that situation - who does the agency pick go to? Do they always choose couples/never singles? I would ask this when interviewing prospective adoption agencies. I didn't know to ask this question but thankfully- my agency is single friendly and offered me two different "agency pick" situations. I knew they had my back and- I also knew that- when the first situation did not work out - that they were still looking out for me. That's what you want.....an agency that is looking out for you as a single gal.

4. You can often get a sense of how single friendly the agency is over the phone. One agency I called said "yes- we accept singles but it's not very likely that you'll get a baby since most of the birthmothers are single themselves and would parent the baby if she could......she's looking for a 'better' situation. So- just because an agency accepts singles does not mean they are "single friendly. "

These are just a few ideas - feel free to post more or add comments. Most importantly - if you are single and want to adopt- there are babies out there and agencies who are willing to work with you!

More Halloween - Office Party

2009-10-31T13:42:00.003-06:00

We went to work yesterday for trick or treating. This Halloween thing is really a multiple day event. This time Mila wore her Lady Bug costume. Look at the last picture- you can see her two teeth! First picture I have of them:)

Happy Halloween 2009

2009-10-29T19:40:00.002-06:00

Happy Halloween everyone! We acquired two Halloween costumes this year. One was a frog and the other a lady bug and thankfully both are being put to good use with different festivities we are going to. Here is my cute girl in her frog costume (Thanks Lynette!).

Halloween Jammies 2009

2009-10-28T13:32:00.001-06:00

So fun hanging out with Tiff and the cute kids in their Halloween jammies!

Eliza, Mila, & Solomon

Solomon trying to make a break for it

Sweet Fairy Eliza! Tonight she said "I saw one of Rob's daughters - Shanna......." What 3 year old says that (Shanna goes to high school where Eliza goes to daycare)?

The girl is wise beyond her years and very fun!

Affording Adoption as a Single Woman

2009-10-25T21:38:00.015-06:00

Let's face it, adoption - whether domestic or international is expensive. Information from the Adoption Guide states: "The average cost of adoption, as reported in the latest Adoptive Families adoption cost survey (concluded in November, 2008), was between $25,000 and $30,000." Depending on many factors- it can range from $17,000 - $50,000 (an estimated range). A lot depends on whether you are open to race (most agencies charge different prices depending on race), whether you have to travel to get your little one (either overseas or in the US for a domestic adoption), and the amount of legal support you will need to facilitate/finalize your adoption.

Many single women may be deterred from adoption given the cost and the purpose of this post is to discuss things to consider in terms of paying for/affording adoption expenses including:

1) The federal government has a adoption tax credit which for the 2009 tax year, has been increased to $12,150.00. This amount is subtracted from your tax liability so, for many single moms it take several years to claim all of the tax credit. This does not help with the upfront costs but can help offset many of the other expenses post adoption.

2) Many employers have adoption benefits. For example, my employer will give families $2500 to offset the cost of adoption if the baby is placed within the first six months of life. For some employers, age is not factored in and an adoption benefit can be accessed any time a child is adopted.

3) There are grant and loan programs for single moms interested in adopting. Although these will likely not pay for all of the adoption expenses, they can help. I know many women may be reluctant to take out a loan to pay for an adoption and, you must take into account that your expenses will increase quite a bit following the adoption - particularly if you need to pay for childcare. However, as my friend Tiffany has mentioned to me, "folks are willing to finance a car, why are they not willing to finance an adoption?" Great point!

4) If you are single and have no children, perhaps picking up a few hours a week at another job can help offset the expenses. I have a job that, before I adopted, allowed me some time in the summers that I used to make extra money consulting with schools. I saved the extra money for adoption and I know of a few other single women who have done the same. Before you adopt is the time to do this extra work for money as once you get your sweet one, you (a) won't have time and (b) will likely want to spend all your spare time with him/her (I know I do)!

5) If you want to be a mom- don't be afraid to ask for help or to hold a fundraiser. I know of couples who have also needed to raise funds for adoption and have done this via fundraisers either through their church, online blog, or through other venues. There are websites that will help you fundraise for adoption such as the one below:

http://www.ladybugblessings.com/adoption-fundraiser.html

More information on fundraising:

http://fundraising.adoption.com/

I don't know much about these sites, not endorse them but if I needed money for adoption I would likely look into some of these avenue so help raise money.

6) If you are interested in fostering a child first prior to adoption and are open to older children, the foster care system in your state may be a very viable and less expensive way to adopt a child.

Other considerations:

a) When budgeting for adoption, take into consideration that as a single woman, you will be filing your taxes as "head of household" now with one or more dependents. This can make quite a difference in each of your paychecks. My paychecks increased by $250 by claiming one dependent and I am interested in seeing what happens during tax time this next year (hoping for a big return :)

If you are unsure whether you want to adopt domestically, internationally or from foster care, the Adoption Guide has a nice decision matrix that details the issues you should take into account.

b) One thing many folks don't take into account is the cost of being pregnant/having a child when they are looking into adoption options. The average cost of giving birth to a child is $8000-$10,000 which for families that have insurance, this cost is reduced quite a bit but still could result in thousands of dollars of expenses. Other costs associated with pregnancy are also often not taken into account such as maternity clothes, prenatal visits, potential loss of work days due to pregnancy related illness, and the myriad of other expenses of having a baby. So- in essence -whether you give birth or adopt- there are costs associated with it.

If anyone has other suggestions, please post a comment. But- most importantly- don't let the expenses scare you......if you want it badly enough- go for it! Start saving, raising money or whatever it takes to make your dream come true. I am so, so glad I did!

Excited for Halloween

2009-10-25T21:28:00.005-06:00

Mila saw and played with a pumpkin for the first time today. So fun! This is what I love about being a mother.....all the firsts! We are also looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays as it involves food, family and in our case -friends who are family.

My Sweet Girl is 7 Months Old!

2009-10-18T22:51:00.006-06:00

Another month has passed......time is just flying by! Here are some pictures and updates:

1) Mila has 1.5 teeth on the bottom front (not sure when to count it fully as two teeth). This past month has been a fussy one with the teething. At times, it felt like colic all over again:( How she looks has also changed quite a bit. When she smiles big- you can see her teeth.
2) She is babbling, babbling away! I don't know what she is saying but- she for sure has something to say. I have probably said "mama" to her over 500 times. But- I know her first words/intelligible babble will probably be "dada."
3) She is WAY more into food! She is eating up a storm and her favorite foods are carbs......I joke that- she is on the high carb diet. She loves bread, noodles, and rice! She sounds like a monkey if you do not feed them to her fast enough (ooh ooh oooh oooh) - as she demands more food. She also loves peas and eats sweet potatoes, green beans, bananas, apples, and prunes. We will be experimenting with more food this next month.
One of her favorites are Baby Mum Mum Vegetable Crackers. I found them at Walmart - they dissolve in her mouth (no choking like other crackers) and - are very healthy (so the box says).

5) She wants to crawl so badly and has taken a few first crawling steps. She tends to get frustrated and by no means is she crawling but- she is on her way. She can crawl backward and roll to wherever she wants so.....crawling frontward may not be so important.
6) She is sleeping from about 7-8 pm to 6:30-7 am without getting up- hooray! At her six month appointment her doctor said there was no reason she should be getting up in the middle of the night to eat. So, after her 6 month shots she did sleep through the night and guess what? She doesn't need an 8 oz bottle like I thought (I was worried about weight gain so was feeding her whenever she would take it and 3 am seemed to be her favorite time for an 8 oz bottle). I have had to "Ferberize" her twice since that time. She starts crying, I go in and tell her "mommy is here, you're okay" but don't feed her. The two times I have done this it seems to make her very, very angry but......she also eventually settles down and goes back to sleep. Mama is sleeping better now too!

Traveling with Infants/Babies/Toddlers

2009-10-17T20:45:00.012-06:00

I love to travel! As a single mama, one of my biggest fears was....how am I going to travel with my little one? I sort of had trial by fire when I traveled alone to bring her home from her birth state which was 2.5 hours away by plane. She was nine days old! Lots of folks asked how old she was and......because I knew I would get flack for traveling with a nine day old, I said she was a month old. One of the flight attendants said "pretty young to be taking her out don't you think." To which I said "well, it seems like a better plan than driving 2.5 days in a car!"

I have learned a few things traveling with my girl and would love to hear your thoughts, tricks, opinions re: traveling (so please post comments). Some of these things I have learned from other moms (single and married who travel alone with chidlren) who also love to travel....so thanks.

1. I always wear something with pockets - usually some type of sweat outfit (yes- this is my new uniform :) but- something that can hold boarding passes and IDs.

2. When going through security, I DO NOT break down/collapse my stroller - I ask to get it "hand checked" which requires them to wave a wand over it, etc. It saves me from having to run it through the scanner, re-unfold it, etc.

3. I always carry a full bottle of formula and ask that it be "hand screened" through security. Sure, I can mix it after I get through security or on the plane but with traveling I have learned- you never know when you'll need a quick bottle and don't want to be stuck mixing formula or looking for water on a plane to add to your formula.

4. Many airports still have curbside check-in. So- before parking the car in long term/short term parking - I roll up to curb-side check-in, get rid of my bags, tip a few bucks then don't have to worry about lugging them with me onto the parking shuttle bus.

5. This may be a no brainer but I always change my girl's diaper right before the flight. I don't care if it's been an hour since the last change......leakage on the plane is not fun! Some folks try to skimp on diaper expenses and I say- hey- 15 cents is worth having dry pants (Can you tell I have had wet babies on me before?). I also hope she has had a bowel movement before the flight :)

6. I have tried several sleeping arrangements - having my girl on a spare bed - in the middle, having her on the floor, having her in a borrowed pack in play (No- we don't sleep together- that has never worked....ever since she was really, really little - she has been a loud sleeper and having her with me has never been an option for a restful mama). What I have decided is that I love my most recent purchase.....the PeaPod Infant Travel Tent. There are many different versions......some of them are bigger fitting kids up to 4 and 5 years old. This version fits in my daughter's small luggage and during a recent trip, she sleep as good if not better in it than at home! No worries about her rolling off of the bed, etc. No bulky pack n play.

My sweet girl in her tent

6. Having some sort of carrier is helpful. When my daughter Mila was 9 days old, a sling was a perfect carrier. Now that she is older, it's hard as the front packs and hip packs are not good for my back but - I do think if they don't bother your back, they are a great way to get through security.

7. I have not traveled with 2 young children but a friend of mine that does says that she never checks baggage, she packs light, has her 4 year old carry her own bag and then when she is getting on the plane - has the flight attendant help situate her daughter as she is managing her 5 month old. I said " do they do that?" She said "they have to do it - technically - my daughter has a disability when traveling in that she needs help with her luggage.....I am buying her seat - and -if she was in a wheelchair- they would help her with her luggage - what's the difference?" Good point. She said to check with the airline ahead of time to see what their policies are in terms of helping families/folks with disabilities to travel......good idea. That way - if they give you any flack - you can remind them of the policy.

8. In terms of saving money related to traveling - I have a AMEX airline credit card which I charge everything I can on. Then- I pay it off at the end of the month. The good news is, I earn miles for every purchase I make. Yes- I have to pay $50 per year for AMEX but- with all my charges I get at least 3-4 flights free a year - well worth it. Some programs like Delta have "pay with miles" so you don't have to have the full amount for a free ticket but rather, can pay a partial amount with miles. If you love to travel, figure out which airline you can fly the most with, get a credit card related to that, charge, pay off all charges at the end of the month (key), start saving money and earning free travel.

Other ideas? What has worked/not worked with traveling?

Single Women Adopting Children (SWAC) October 2009

2009-10-11T22:13:00.006-06:00

Pictures from our recent SWAC get together at a local park. It was a little chilly but we all had fun !

Mimi (China) and Mila (domestic)......

The whole gang.....we always do potluck so the burden of getting together is not too big.

We typically rotate houses but....since the group is getting so large with so many kids...we are now starting to meeting in parks, etc. Not sure what we'll do this winter :(

Solomon - adopted domestically

Charlee & Eliza (both from China) + Sonia (Kazakhstan)

Noah & Sonia (Kazakhstan) with Mom Eileen
Miss Tate- Lisa's daugther from China

Mila & Natalee (both adopted domestically- they are two days apart in age) hanging out in the baby tent. I bought this for traveling as I love to travel. It's from PeaPod and is easily put up and taken down. The story of how Natalee came to be adopted by a single mom, Yvette, is an interesting one. I had my paperwork into two agencies. One agency called me about a situation right after I got my referral for Mila. I said- "I have a referral but a woman in my singles group is looking for a baby and is homestudy ready." The story is longer than that but- the gist of it is....we have adorable Natalee because we all support each other and our adoption efforts!

Profile of a Single Adoptive Mom - Leanne & Mila

2009-10-09T16:54:00.014-06:00

Each month I would like to profile at least one, single adoptive mom. This is the most amazing group of ladies that I have known/interacted with. If you are a single mom and have adopted and are willing to share your story - please let me know. To start off - I will profile myself and my sweet daughter.

Background:
I was with my previous partner for 10 years. We were married for 6 years and together 4 years before we got married. We were (and are) great friends! It just came to the point in our marriage where we wanted different things and had different priorities.

So- April 2006 (1 day after my divorce was final) I filed paperwork to adopt internationally. The wait was excruciating. I had waited so, so long to finally get divorced, etc. and to be a mom and now- they told me I had to wait to be a mom! Ugh. As my ex moved on, got a girlfriend, etc. my main thoughts were-He's gotten to move on....why haven't I? - Adopting a baby was supposed to be my "moving on."
Spring 2008 - My wise friend Tiffany said to me "Leanne- you should think about domestic adoption." To which I replied "No (adamantly!) My heart is invested in this international adoption!" She said - "You know what? When you get your baby - you won't care where he/she came from.
You know what? She was right! I put in my paperwork for domestic adoption in Summer 2008 and.....10 months later (yes- a pregnancy later) .....my sweet Mila was born! I love Mila more than anything and yes - I don't care where she came from! She is mine and I am hers......we are a family and I love her to pieces.

Hardest Part About Being a Single Adoptive Mother:
My job is amazing and it has afforded me A LOT of time off with my sweet Mila. The issue is- there is no "pass off" at the end of the day for single moms. When you are tired, when you have been watching your baby all day (and she is colicky or fussy from teething)......guess what? You get to watch her all night too with no breaks (and- she may not sleep through the night:). I would encourage single adoptive moms to build a good support network. I have a great support network, thanks to other single moms and other folks I have "paid it forward" for babysitting. So when I really, really need a break.....I call on my friends. I also have hired a nanny for a few hours a week even while staying home with Mila. Why? You know what? Most married moms get a break at some point, when their husbands come home. to go out, go to the doctor, etc. Single moms don't have those "built in breaks." Take care of yourself......you will be a better mom for it (in my opinion).

Advice for Other Single Moms Who Have Adopted or Who are Hoping to Adopt:
Go for it! Take stock, get your finances in order, know you are not alone and build a good support network. If I had waited for Mr. Right to come along.....I wouldn't have my sweet Mila. I can't imagine my life without her.....I love her beyond measure. Best of luck and....talk to other single moms who have done it.....there are some amazing women listed on the blog sites who are currently doing it, loving it, and thriving!

The most amazing thing that came from all of this is that I have a great relationship with my ex - Jason. He watches Mila once a week and is called "uncle J." Good things can happen out of tough situations.

Mila and Jason at her Adoption Finalization Hearing

Forming a Single Women Adopting Children (SWAC) Support Group

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How do you start a single women adopting children support group? Not sure how most folks do it but - when I was looking into international adoption I asked my agency if there were other singles who they have/had worked with. This led me to Lisa and Yvette, two single women waiting to adopt from China. Yvette worked with Marque- another single mom who adopted sweet Liza from China. So- our first meeting was at a local restaurant with 1 woman who had adopted and 3 more hoping to adopt.

First Offiial SWAC Meeting- Summer 2006

Oh how we have grown since then! Lisa knew Tiffany and invited her to one of our meetings. Marque knew Marji then she joined the group with her four lovely girls from China. Then - one day when Yvette and I were at the park feeding ducks - we met Eileen - a single woman who has adopted two from Kazakstahn.

March 2007 -Two babies, six mamas - room to grow!

SWAC May 2008

SWAC September 2008

SWAC June 2009

The group continues to get bigger and we have added four new babies since January 2009! Three were adopted domestically and one from China

Tips for forming your own support group:

Ask your agency if they can share information of other single women they are working with
Create your own group on websites like http://www.metup.com/ which has all types of groups including single moms with absent dads (a little different than our situation....we are single women by choice)
Ask other women who have adopted if they know of singles from their agency who have adopted.
Other ideas? Please post them in the comment section.

Single Women Adopting Children

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Hello! The purpose of this blog is to bring together single women who have or are thinking about adopting children. I would like to profile each of the women who are in my single women adopting group here in the Western US. Based on my/our experience it is clear that - families do not always come in the form of a "mommy and a daddy" and - I truly believe that these single women are some of the greatest, most loving parents, I have met. Please join the journey and...if you so dare...include your name and info about your adoption situation so that other single, women- hoping to adopt will be inspired!